June 2011

Once again this was one of those ridiculous situations that only happened because The Boyfriend and I were in a foreign country and lost (you may be starting to sense a pattern).

Sat on a bench in the most desolate part of International Drive we were waiting for a bus… 45 minutes of sweating in the midday Florida heat later and it had become obvious that we were in completely the wrong place. We were pissed off, thirsty and desperate; which is never the right frame of mind to make a rash judgement – so don’t try this one at home kids.

Suddenly, like a mirage in the desert, a white minivan covered in “Fun Spot” logos pulled up. The driver, who spoke very little English, asked us where we were going and offered us a free lift as he was headed that way – oh, Hello ALARM BELLS!

My childhood warning of “never go off with strangers” rang in my ears and I had a knot in my stomach from the emotional residue of a previous, much more sinister encounter I had with a creepy white van (that’s a story for another day) but there I was, climbing into the death wagon – regretting my actions almost immediately.

For over an hour we drove around International Drive, turning off occasionally into what appeared to be deserted industrial parks, cue nervous sweats! The situation wasn’t helped by the promo video of children literally screaming the word “FUN SPOT” over and over to a background of hardcore, mimimalist house music (no joke).

As time ticked by I had become convinced that the best possible outcome of this journey was to be robbed; I was literally pouring with sweat, wishing to be back on the hell-bench, but The Boyfriend squeezed my hand reassuringly.

Suddenly the brakes were slammed on and to my complete surprise we were outside our destination and let out of the van, unharmed, with only a mild ‘Fun Spot’ brainwashing.

I asked The Boyfriend later if he was as nervous as I was to get this response, “Oh yeah, I was pretty convinced we were going to get murdered”.

Excellent.

From now on I will never be taking sweets OR free lifts off strangers!

8 comments

Thumbnail image for Stand Inside The Sistine Chapel

Stand Inside The Sistine Chapel

The ceiling of the Sistine Chapel is something I can’t actually believe I’ve seen in real life. Michaelangelo’s ‘The Creation of Adam’; an image that has been parodied time and time again, that covers the […]

Read More

The Dominatrix Incident

If my first burlesque class wasn’t awkward enough, it was also the first time I met The Dominatrix… There we were, stood in our bras (except the really brave who already had their nipples out) […]

Read More

The Creepy Mime Incident

Walking along the seafront in Spain, I was minding my own business trying to find a cocktail bar and The Boyfriend puts his arm around my shoulder… …Immediate irritation! This is not a natural or […]

Read More

Annie the Elephant’s Plight

Before I moved to Brighton I spent a year volunteering at the local animal rescue… It started by accident; my mum had been helping out with the cats every Saturday morning for two years and […]

Read More

The Collosseum Adventure

Thumbnail image for The Collosseum Adventure

Rome was one of the most beautiful places I have ever been to… I’ve always found something so romantic about countries like Italy and Spain; I imagine their whole lives to be like a non-stop […]

Read More