June 2012

Last night I was in Asda, and I was pissed off…

…partly because I was visiting a supermarket – one of life’s little tasks that I hate with every fibre of my being – but also because I had just been violated by the sheer amount of awful magazine stories that had leapt off their garish, glossy covers and into my brain.

“Turn your Mr. Wrong into Mr. Right…”

“Meet Mr. Perfect this weekend…”

“Know what your man is thinking even before he does…”

Really? Is this what the modern woman’s magazine has come to.? Is this what us sexy creatures are dying to read? Is meeting “Mr. Perfect” the be all and end all of our happiness?

Call me naive, but I don’t think so.

For a start, (no matter what Glamour magazine would have us believe) there is no such thing as a ‘perfect relationship’. No matter how much you love someone, if you spend enough time with them, they’re going to piss you off at some point. There is no quick fix, it’s all about compromise. Think your best mate has a perfect marriage? Well I can guarantee that, behind closed doors, they’re at each other’s throats about her drinking the milk straight from the carton or him trying on her underwear while she’s at work.

And why do we need to know what men are thinking 24/7? Last time I asked my boyfriend what the thoughtful look that had spread across his face meant, he replied with, “I’m thinking of getting into board game inventing”.

Seriously. This actually happened.

Welcome to my life.

Instead of writing articles claiming to have us wandering off into the sunset with our knights in shining armour by 3am on Saturday night, why aren’t magazines focusing on how to be fucking fabulous right now?

So here is my alternative content plan for the modern woman’s magazine to work with, based on what us 20-something ladies really want to know.

Top 10 bottles of wine under a fiver

The perfect job: how to get a seat in the office where no-one else can see your screen

Three ways to stop your boyfriend from leaving his dirty socks rolled up at the bottom of the bed

and finally

Ugly babies – top ten pictures to remind yourself why you don’t want kids yet

Your move, Cosmo.



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