After writing a post about the people that everyone tends to hate at the gym I took a long hard look at myself… (that’s a lie, I was told by my friends over Cocktail Thursdays*) and realised that, contrary to popular belief, I am not a perfect gym-goer either…
…so here are a few of the reasons why people probably hate me in the gym…
I Ring My Mum On The Bike
OK, in my defence, this is a very rare occurrence that only happens only of a weekend when hardly anyone else is around… but I have been known to set the timer on the bike to 40 minutes and give my Mum a bell. Which often leads to an ignorantly loud conversation, that probably sounds like Lilly Savage has been resurrected and cloned.
I pretty sure the poor person desperately trying to stay motivated behind me wouldn’t agree, but personally I find it to be very time-efficient! Two birds… One stone, that’s all I’m saying!
I Always Forget My Water Bottle
Over the last few months I must have gone through about thirty bottles water specifically to take to the gym… But did you know they supply water fountains, where you can quench your thirst for free?
Well they do…
Which means I’m that person with the huge queue behind her, wildly gulping at the tiny dribble of water every twelve minutes.
My Swimsuit Is Completely Inappropriate
I have a serious problem with the idea of buying “gym clothes”… why on earth would I spend all that money on a membership only to buy “gym-wear”, when I could instead be buying beautiful Kurt Geigers that show off my newly-toned legs or, even better, teeny tiny, size 0 dresses? (Wow I really need to work harder when I’m there…)
The same idea applies to swimming costumes… There isn’t a chance in hell I am going to spend money on an ugly, ugly costume… so instead I wear a hot-pink bikini that I bought for a holiday in Spain three years ago and have been downgraded to become the “gym-kini”.
Yes I look like an idiot, but I’m sticking to my guns. I could dig my old school costume out, but honestly I think that would be even more indecent than the bikini.
I Play On The Power Plates
These are machines that shake you thin! Erm… wow!
I have absolutely no idea how to use them properly, or how they work… all I know it’s they’re really fucking fun! So generally just spend twenty minutes hanging off it in various poses like something out of Broadway’s “Singin’ in the Rain”.
I Copy Other People’s Workouts
After my first personal training session where I *might* have cried afterwards just a little, I am too mentally scarred to book another one… (and thus have to spend the majority of my sessions hiding behind machines so I don’t have to ever see Hilter and his cruel, cruel kettle bells again.)
This of course means that I have no real idea how to best get that hot body that I’m aiming for, so have been forced to follow hot girls around the gym and copy what they do in order to get my knowledge.
Yes, I’m that creepy stalker.
Please tell me I’m not alone in my bad gym-behaviour?
*#COCKTAILTHURSDAYS, come on kids… I can’t be the only twenty-something with a classy mid-week drinking problem?