March 2013

March 18, 2013 in Category Uncategorized

Ten Things University Taught Me

So, as I said, last weekend I was at my parents house enjoying little life luxuries such as vodka, heating and a questionable amount of cheese in the fridge, (which may or may not still be left over from Christmas.)

As I was scavenging around the cupboard – helping myself to a ‘care package’ and wondering whether stealing my Mum’s mascara would really be worth facing her wrath later on – I heard them discussing some ideas for mini holidays.

To be quite honest, with it being clear they hadn’t noticed my presence and being in prime position to shove a bottle of the ‘good’ wine into my bag without anyone noticing until it was too late, I had absolutely no wish to reveal myself to the room – so it wasn’t until I heard them settle on a weekend in Leeds that I felt the need to throw my two cents into the mix.

“Oh come on! You can go to any city in the whole country and you’re going to Leeds? You’re absolutely mental.”

Once my Mum had stopped clutching her heart dramatically and accusing me of “bringing on a hot flush” she replied, “Oh you’ve just got a downer on Leeds because you went to University there. It’s not like we’re going to be tearing up the student bars, getting our hair extensions caught on railings as we roll down stairs – and to be honest I find it very hard to believe that the locals carry pitchforks around with them.”

She was right. Since my time in University I’ve maintained a completely negative view of Leeds without ever really being able to put my finger on why.

As with everyone, my University experience had it ups and downs; but both the laughter and the tears taught me something about life that I don’t think I could have learnt anywhere else. So in the interest of passing the torch, here are a few of the things that my three years in University taught me…

1. Pre-drinking is a great way to make your night out cheaper. It’s also a great way to find yourself getting kicked out of a club at 11pm for trying to sing karaoke down the DJ’s microphone on Drum&Bass night.

2. In every group of friends there is one ‘party host’, who will kindly let everyone drink in their room before every night out. Never, under any circumstances, become this person. Unless, of course, you’re happy to lose your deposit because someone thought it would be a ‘fun idea’ to drink an entire bottle of Martini before playing rounders with a hockey stick.

3. You will learn to resent having to spend your drinking money on things you took for granted. Like toothpaste.

4. It’s completely possible to survive for nearly 64 hours on a six pack of Tesco’s own red bull, a pro plus and a packet of quavers.

5. It’s also entirely possible to survive for weeks on end on dried noodles and kid’s multivitamins. Sometimes just the noodles.

6. Moving away from the town you grew up in will help you realise exactly who your real friends are and who you want to keep in your life.

7. “Group projects” were created by the Devil himself in an effort to divide the human race. These projects will also teach you that the most intelligent people often have absolutely no common sense.

8. Both washing up liquid and shampoo are rare commodities that should be rationed – they will be abused if left open to everybody.

9. My mother is Superwoman and should be kept nearby at all times.

10. Never take toilet roll for granted.



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