June 2013

Being the world’s crappiest traveler means that I’ve learnt a thing or two about what not to do while you’re away. So, in honour of being probably-a-bit-too-old-to-go-on-a-clubbing-holiday I thought I’d pass on some of my wisdom about how to survive your girls holiday this year, (sorry boys, I wouldn’t dare to tackle the elusive lads holiday.) 

So if you’re lucky enough to win, or if you’re planning a holiday with your mates in another clubber’s paradise, here are a few tips to help you survive your upcoming girl’s holiday…


Avoiding Arguments

To put it simply, you can’t. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but in all likelihood you will argue. This doesn’t mean that you’re all “complete bitches”, or that “these slags don’t give a shit about friendship” – or any other accusations that might get thrown around in the heat of the moment. However close you are, being in a confined space with the same group of people 24/7 for two weeks is going to be a shock to the system. Add the the fact that you’re going to be hot, hungover, probably burnt, whilst all wanting to do different things and you’re bound to get a bit of bickering. The good news is,  there are some things you can do to make sure any unnecessary beef is kept at bay…

1) Make sure everyone gets to call the shots at some point.

If someone is desperate to go to a particular bar or do an activity, suck it up and let them – it means that you get to be selfish and pick something you want to do another day without guilt. Keep your demands within reason though; like don’t expect the whole party to traipse to a dump of a club because you fancy the barman, unless you plan on at least buying everyone a shot – it’s a girls holiday remember.

2) Back off

If you sense someone start to become narky don’t jump in there all guns blazing to tell them – it’s only going to wind them up more. Think about how you get when you’re all burnt and hungover; I bet you’re no picnic to be around either. So, back off and let them stew it out on their own for a while. Or better yet be an amazing friend and wordlessly present them with an ice cold, double vodka an orange and some after sun – they will soon snap out of it.

Don’t take yourself too seriously

There is nothing worse than going away with an uptight girl who refuses to get in any photos unless they’ve spent 3 hours getting ready, or won’t get in the pool in case their hair gets wet. Do not be this girl! 

If you really don’t want any photos taken without make up on, put on a pair of Paris Hilton sunglasses to cover your face.

Also, 18-30 holidays are going to be full of gangs of lads, leading the march with shit football chants and obnoxious attempts to get your attention. As long as their not forcing themselves on you, they’re harmless – so don’t get wound up when they start singing “get your rat out for the lads”.

Make a journal

We did this on my second girls holiday and it’s still possibly one for the funniest books that I have in my possession. Buy an empty notepad and leave it out so it’s easy for people to write/stick paraphernalia in, whatever time of day. The drunk rambling and the declarations of love are possibly the funniest parts – plus it’ll remind you of all the hilarious incidents and what comedic geniuses you all were after a bottle or two of wine.

Remember, it’s a GIRLS holiday

A girls holiday should be about just that – girlie time. It’s understandable if the single ones out of you want to pull on a night out – but your nights shouldn’t revolve around finding lads or meeting up with other people. If you are going out to meet up with some guys, make sure you spend some time together too. Go for a meal, or sit on your balcony together eating pot noodles if you’re strapped for cash. Just make sure you put the time in – you don’t get this opportunity back.

Stay together

This one is the most important and should go without saying, but make sure you all stick together! Girls alone are vulnerable. Drunk girls alone are really vulnerable. Know your limits, put money aside for cab fare and (I don’t care however much of a dick their being) never leave anyone on their own – I don’t want to see any of your faces on the news this year please.



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