Let me level with you; I’ve always thought yoga was for people who couldn’t be arsed to actually break a sweat. People who only eat organic foods, who call their kid ‘Apple’ and who look down on people who might want to drink rum-slushies on a Tuesday night.
I thought yoga was for pussies.
But when my fabulous (and very wise) mate, Old Scouse Bird, bought a yoga studio I thought I should give it a go. After all, this is the cosh-wielding, vodka enthusiast on a one-woman mission to rid the world of gobshites.
So yesterday I turned up at Absolute Yoga for my first class – or what I’d described to my fella as, “a bit of stretching and some lying down.”
I was late, naturally, and as I scrambled upstairs to the studio muttering apologies OSB said, “I’m actually a bit nervous to do this class myself, so I’m really nervous for you. I guess if you can get through this class, you can get through any of them.”
“Yeah, alright queen, I think I’ll cope” I replied. In my head, obviously, she’s hard as fuck and I haven’t got a death wish.
Now for those of you who know anything about yoga, I did a 75-minute Sivananda Hatha Yoga class in a hot yoga studio. This, of course, meant absolutely nothing to me. As I said, I was prepared for a bit of light stretching, not for using muscles I didn’t even know I had.
The class was simultaneously the most exhausting and relaxing thing I’ve ever done. I had genuinely no idea how much control and discipline yoga takes – and as someone who’s spent the last ten years rolling their eyes at anyone wearing yoga pants, that’s a tough thing to admit.
It was like doing a complete ab, arm and leg workout – but, instead of feeling like I wanted to die by the end, I loved it.
Of course, I was shit. I was 100% the least flexible person in the room, I struggled to master the breathing techniques and I had to sit out for about ten minutes near the end of the class after I got all faint and took a bit of, what my Nan would describe as, a funny turn.
But I did it. And it didn’t matter that I was shit – everyone was at different levels and every single one of them had to start off where I was.
So hats off to all yogis out there – I’m sorry for thinking you were all too busy avoiding gluten to do some real exercise. I’ve just booked my second class, so I guess I’m one of you now. And hey, maybe I’ll get better.
Maybe I’ll even become calmer and less dramatic… but I doubt it.
Until next time… x
(For those of you in the Liverpool area thinking of trying yoga, Absolute Yoga in Crosby has an introductory offer of £30 for 30 days so make sure you take advantage!)