November 2015

Isn’t it crazy to think that you can be sat there, 78 weeks deep into an Instagram stalk of your fella’s ex bird, while simultaneously there’s probably someone, somewhere screenshotting your social media profile to send to a group WhatsApp so they can all absolutely slaughter you. And so the circle of crank is complete

But when it comes to stalking online you’re always on a knife’s edge; one slip of the thumb and the jig’s up.

So today, I thought I’d share three terrifying tales from the crypt. Tales of true horror. Tales of social media stalking gone wrong.

Each of these horror stories happened to one of my very close friends; all of whom wish to remain anonymous because… well because they’re still cringing really fucking hard is truth be told. Let these be a lesson to you.

Screenshot hell

“I’d just started seeing my fella so, naturally, I was having a nose at his ex girlfriend’s profile. Of course, he had no idea I even knew her name, let alone snarled at every photo she’d ever put online of the two of them. Well, he had no idea until I screen-shotted a photo of her to send to a group WhatsApp with my mates… but accidentally sent it to him instead. I was so mortified I just turned my phone off for three hours.”

awkward

Status-gate

“After a night out and far too many shots with the girls I decided to have a nose at the lad I fancied profile before bed. I must have fallen asleep mid-search because I woke 10 hours later around 1pm in the afternoon… only to find that I’d actually just put his name as my Facebook status. And it had stayed there. All morning.”

 A series of unfortunate events

“When it comes to social media I’ve made every horrible mistake under the sun; I’ve added my ex’s new girlfriend, I’ve accidentally liked photos from three years ago and once I shared the lad I fancied sister’s status when she wasn’t even my friend… but none quite compares to the time I went to type youjizz.com into the URL bar but accidentally wrote it as my status.”

Until next time… x

 

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