April 2016


I’ve always loved thunderstorms.

They put things into perspective; remind us that, behind the scenes, the pressure might be quietly building – that we’ll never know what’s around the corner and we’re never really in control.

But I’ve always found something oddly comforting in thunderstorms. It’s a reminder that it’s OK to let your defence down – because sometimes, when the pressure gets too much, even the sky explodes.

Life has a funny way of ticking along quietly before, out of nowhere, throwing everything it has to give at you – and the last few months it has done exactly that. As they say; it doesn’t rain, it pours.

But I’m not one for wallowing, and Wonderland isn’t a place to whinge. So instead I’m going to tell you how I may or may not be the latest target of gang warfare – because obviously I fucking am.

Let’s start with what we know; there’s a gang – and I’m using the term ‘gang’ in the loosest possible sense of the word as I’m pretty sure we’re talking about a few teenagers on scramblers here. But yeah, there’s a gang knocking around my neighbourhood called the White Kings. How do I know this? Well, pretty much everything that can’t walk off has the words White Kings branded across in spray paint.

Anyway, in mist of the utter shit storm of the last three weeks, I was bringing my dog back from a walk when I noticed a piece of white bread, torn into the shape of a W, stuck to my wall with butter.

“Sorry, what the fuck?” Yeah I know, that was my reaction too.

Thinking about it logically it could have just been a kid walking past my house, bored of his butty, so decided to tear it into a perfect W and stick it to the nearest wall.

Or it could be a gang sign.

I told my dad about the situation the other day when he rang to update me on his life – which is something he’s taken to doing ever since he asked me how to block people on Facebook, then blocked me right in front of my face. “Maybe they’re trying to get you to join?” he suggested before I hung up on him, “*muffled laughter* yeno, saying they want a slice of you.”

Anyway, just in case it is some sort of gang marker, I’ve scraped it off the wall. I’m lying, actually, my dog ate it off while I was trying to take a Snap Chat.

But, as I said, we never know what’s around the corner. Maybe next week I’ll be a White King. One thing’s for sure though; you only get one life, so make sure you live the fuck out of it.

Until next time… x



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