October 2017

My name is Scarlett and I’m 5ft 3 with a Napoleon Complex.

Great, now we’ve got that out of the way; here are some of the trials and tribulations of being a short bird in a normal sized world…

short girl problems

  • For a start, we can’t carry excess weight. For us 2lbs is the difference between looking like a human or looking like a potato.
  • We have to climb on kitchen counters if we want to reach anything in the cupboards above. Last Christmas I put a box of celebrations at the very top in a last desperate attempt to stop me from being a fat fuck. I climbed up on the counter 23 times that night.
  • It takes so much time and effort to get the seat of your car close enough to the steering wheel and high enough so you can reach the pedals and see over the top of your hands at once – only for it to be ruined when someone else gets in.
  • Even when you do manage to get your car seat into a drive-able position, the sun visor almost never reaches your eyes. So forgetting your sunglasses in Summer becomes a literal life or death situation.
  • There’s a whole world of exciting things on the top shelves of the Supermarket that we know absolutely nothing about.
  • Using a brolly in crowds is impossible, unless you want to take out 5 people’s eyes with every step.
  • Group photos are a logistical nightmare; do I stand at the end and look like someone’s child, or stand in the middle and look like the celebrity dwarf that everyone’s getting a fan photo with?
  • And finally, people call you ‘cute’ when you’re angry – when actually you’re a heartless demon sent from hell.

Until next time… x

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