Scarlett Guides To Life…

Office work can be hit or miss.

On the one hand you’re usually out by 6pm, you get to sit down with the option of guzzling tea and biscuits all day every day and, (if you’re lucky enough to work with anyone remotely sound,) you get to reap the benefits of free alcohol at the Office Christmas party or at least the occasional glass of wine and a giggle after work on a Friday.

On the other hand you might find yourself waking up every morning resenting the fact you have to spend the majority of your life surrounded by people you hate, and dread listening to ‘Sarah’ from admin, and her vast and varied tales of sexual debauchery, day in day out.

Either way, whatever office you find yourself working in there are the same couple of phrases that you will hear uttered on a daily basis, so here a few translations to get you started on equal footing…

Are you making a cup of tea? = Make me a cup of tea.

Would you mind helping me with… = Would you mind doing this for me…

Oh… didn’t you get my e-mail? = I didn’t send an e-mail.

You know that e-mail I CC’d you into last week?= I’m wondering why you haven’t completely dealt with that e-mail I CC’d you into last week, even though you weren’t the primary recipient and I haven’t bothered to mention it to you since…

When is the IT guy coming in again? = I fancy the IT guy.

When is the IT guy coming in again? = I’ve broken my computer… probably by clicking that link on facebook when I should have been working… now it’s spamming me with adverts for XXX red hot babes.

Are you busy? = I’m going to offload a week’s worth of jobs onto you so I can stand at the printer and chat up the IT guy for the rest of the day

The printer’s broken = The printer’s run out of paper

The printer’s broken = The printer’s run out of ink. (Probably because I’ve secretly been printing out birthday invitations/colour photos of my dog/CVs to pass around elsewhere.)

The printer’s broken = I’ve broken the printer.


Surviving wedding season

Thumbnail image for Surviving wedding season

When you hit a certain age you find that Wedding ceremonies inevitably (and often reluctantly) become part of your summer plans.  90% of the time it’ll fall smack bang in the middle of a bank

Read More

Knowing your drinks.

Thumbnail image for Knowing your drinks.

Alcohol is a dangerous thing. It can ruin lives, tear families apart and, worst of all, make me think I have the charisma and vocal range to pull off singing Bohemian Rhapsody on karaoke to

Read More

People stalking your profile right now

Thumbnail image for People stalking your profile right now

Isn’t it mad to think that you can be 107 weeks deep into an Instagram stalk of your new fella’s ex, while somewhere out there your ex’s new girlfriend is probably doing the same on

Read More

The reality of taking a bath together

Thumbnail image for The reality of taking a bath together

Last week I popped round to one of my friend’s houses to congratulate her on her new baby. Urgh, I know!  There she is; settling down, bringing new life into the world, while here I

Read More

Spain’s Islands: Canaries or Balearics?

Thumbnail image for Spain’s Islands: Canaries or Balearics?

After almost four years without a summer holiday, I’ve vowed that this year I’m getting out of England as much as I possibly can – and first up is one of my favourite countries in

Read More