In a perfect world there would be no awkward social occasions that require alcohol to soften the blow, nights out wouldn’t cost the earth and everywhere would serve a really decent Bacardi Oakheart.
Unfortunately we don’t live in a perfect world, and sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures – so, for when life throws you a curve ball that only a voddy can solve, here’s how to smuggle alcohol into (just about) anywhere.
The water bottle
The age-old water bottle of vodka dates back to 1547 when Henry VIII died and his wife at the time, Catherine Parr - celebrating the fact she’d managed to survive the marriage with her head intact – lashed an unmarked bottle of the hard stuff in her handbag, and hit the court.
The legend of handbag vodka was born, and has helped centuries of people get bladdered on the cheap ever since.
Note: this only works for clear spirits. Red wine in an evian bottle is the exact opposite of subtle.
Some places will be wise to waterbottle vodka; such as festivals, cruise ships and my Nan’s house – so you might need to get a bit more creative.
Fill a bottle of mouthwash with your spirit of choice, then add a couple of drops of blue or green food colouring and give it a shake. It even comes with a built-in shot measure – all the while the powers that be will just think you care about oral hygiene.
Note: I shouldn’t have to say this, but the bottle should be empty and clean first. Unless you fancy spearmint-flavoured gin.
You know the phrase ‘good things come in little packages’? That was first said about mini bottles of Captain Morgan.
Not only are they small enough to be hidden away in pockets, bras and even your hair if you’re willing to get medieval on the backcombing, but it’s also a completely adorable way to get hammered.
For those of you who are unashamedly committed to taking your own drinks wherever you go, (bless your raging alcoholic hearts) there are people out there just as committed to making it possible. What a time to be alive.
Until next time…x