Scarlett Guides To Life…

Office work can be hit or miss.

On the one hand you’re usually out by 6pm, you get to sit down with the option of guzzling tea and biscuits all day every day and, (if you’re lucky enough to work with anyone remotely sound,) you get to reap the benefits of free alcohol at the Office Christmas party or at least the occasional glass of wine and a giggle after work on a Friday.

On the other hand you might find yourself waking up every morning resenting the fact you have to spend the majority of your life surrounded by people you hate, and dread listening to ‘Sarah’ from admin, and her vast and varied tales of sexual debauchery, day in day out.

Either way, whatever office you find yourself working in there are the same couple of phrases that you will hear uttered on a daily basis, so here a few translations to get you started on equal footing…

Are you making a cup of tea? = Make me a cup of tea.

Would you mind helping me with… = Would you mind doing this for me…

Oh… didn’t you get my e-mail? = I didn’t send an e-mail.

You know that e-mail I CC’d you into last week?= I’m wondering why you haven’t completely dealt with that e-mail I CC’d you into last week, even though you weren’t the primary recipient and I haven’t bothered to mention it to you since…

When is the IT guy coming in again? = I fancy the IT guy.

When is the IT guy coming in again? = I’ve broken my computer… probably by clicking that link on facebook when I should have been working… now it’s spamming me with adverts for XXX red hot babes.

Are you busy? = I’m going to offload a week’s worth of jobs onto you so I can stand at the printer and chat up the IT guy for the rest of the day

The printer’s broken = The printer’s run out of paper

The printer’s broken = The printer’s run out of ink. (Probably because I’ve secretly been printing out birthday invitations/colour photos of my dog/CVs to pass around elsewhere.)

The printer’s broken = I’ve broken the printer.

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