With January in full flow, you can’t swing a cat without hitting someone brandishing their new diet plan, their detox juice or their shiny new gym membership.
And why not? January is the month of the cut; where we all regret every Quality Street we’ve ever eaten as we desperately try to squeeze our fluff into our pre-Christmas skinny jeans, and vow to live a healthier lifestyle from now until the end of time – well at least for the next three weeks.
One of the more popular attempts at dragging yourself from the downward spiral into morbid obesity that you’ve been enjoying for the last month is the three day juice diet; where you drink nothing but fluorescent veg water for three days in the hope of losing the 3-7lbs.
Now everyone has different experiences of juice detoxes, some people swear by them, other people claim they don’t work. For me; well in all honesty I struggle to have any sort of impassioned opinion on them.
Here’s the thing; for me, the cleanse worked in the sense that I lost six pounds, (going from 8st 12lbs to 8st 6lbs) in three days and managed to keep them off, (despite claims that you pile the weight back on as soon as you start eating normally again.) But those three days were utterly miserable. I was tired, attempting to focus on anything except what everyone around me was eating was impossible and my stomach felt like a washing machine. Day two was the worst; the first day you feeldetermined, the third you know you get to eat in less than 24 hours… but the second? Soul destroying.
Quite frankly, I was really fucking hungry. And I’m not a nice hungry person. In fact I significantly remember calling my (now ex) boyfriend a ‘cruel gobshite’ in the middle of Poundland because he dared to buy a packet of Barney Bears in front of me on the morning of day three.
So, would I do it again? Probably. Pro’s-wise; I lost weight quickly, it kick-started me into being healthier (after suffering for three days the last thing you want to do is gorge yourself on pizza and ruin your hard work) and, honestly, I may have felt like shit but I was also smug as fuck. But that’s not to say that the idea of doing it again wouldn’t fill me with abject dread.
Honest opinion? If you’re just looking to drop a few pounds quickly, with most cleanses costing upwards of £50, there are certainly cheaper ways to essentially starve yourself – homemade soups for example. But if you’re looking to genuinely make a healthy change then I’d suggest swerving spending three days of your life as a miserable shell of a person, and instead do what I did and buy your own juicer and swap your usual breakfast for a daily juice instead.
Until next time… x