Alternative Endings to Harry Potter

Festive fever has now completely infiltrated the Scarlett household, which means every night you will generally find me crying at a heart warming film, (Planes, Trains and Automobiles anyone?) eating my way through my entire advent calender early and drinking pretty much mulled anything…

As it’s still early days of December, I’m trying to save the best Christmas films until closer to the time – so, over the last week I’ve once again been working my way through the Harry Potter series.

I should start by saying that I absolutely LOVE Harry Potter. To the point where I have happily humiliated myself at platform 9 and 3/4 in Kings Cross… but that’s a story for another day. However, I couldn’t help but throw up a little bit in my mouth at the end of the film, when you catch a glimpse of Rupert Grint with a receding hairline and Daniel Radcliffe utter the words “Albus, Severus Potter”.

So, I’ve decided to come up with a few alternative endings…

*SPOILER ALERT* If you haven’t already seen Wicked the musical, Fight Club, Star Wars, Harry Potter or Forrest Gump DO NOT read this post.

(The first four because I might spoil them for you… Forrest Gump just because it’s the best film in the world, and you should be ashamed of yourself for not having seen it.)

(I don’t know who drew this Pin Up of Hermione, but how fabulous is it? Whoever you are, I applaud you! Please get in touch so I can give you credit.)

The Fight Club Ending

Picture the final scene; Harry and Voldemort are wand to wand, the sky it alight with red sparks and green sparks…

Harry is grunting and groaning under the strain of the magic… you see Voldemort grinning; doing that Haka tongue thing he’s so keen on. You know Harry could very well be doomed…

Suddenly, the scene cuts to Ron and Hermione’s point of view; we see Harry standing alone… repeatedly using different enchantments to harm himself.

As the audience ,we’re then taken through a montage of all eight films; we see Harry placing his diary for Ginny to find in Diagon Alley, Harry eating unicorns in the forest… whispering commands into Bellatrix’s ear, murdering Snape…

The scenes become faster and faster until we finally realise the truth… Harry and Voldemort are the same person.  

The whole series serves to show us that there is good and bad in all of us; you just have to battle to make sure that good wins in the end. Also, it teaches us that schizophrenic people should be monitored a little more closely in future.

The Star Wars Ending

Once again; Harry and Voldemort are wand to wand, the sky it alight with red sparks and blah blah blah…

The snake is killed and Harry’s red magic line..? (Seriously, what would you call it?) Harry’s red magic line starts to creep it’s way towards Voldemort. Just as he’s about to be obliterated you hear him shout, “But Harry… I’m your father!”

“Sorry what?”

“I’m your father, Harry”

“No you’re not.”

“Shut up! ‘Course I am, why do you think I killed your mother – she was cheating on me with that four-eyed prick James.”

“I suppose that makes sense… why are you trying to kill me though?”

“I don’t know Harry, it’s complicated. The whole situation really messed me up to be honest – I’ve been doing a lot of coke and there was that situation with the Thai prostitute that turned out to be a…”

“DAD!”

“Sorry, sorry. Seriously though son, I’ve cleaned up my act. I’ll get help and I think we can make this work…”

They embrace. The scene then cuts to Harry and Ginny’s wedding where Voldemort stands in the church beaming proudly, with a brand, spanking new Daniella Westbrook nose to match.

And finally…

The Wicked Ending

As in the film, Harry defeats Voldemort… Good has triumphed over evil and the Wizarding world celebrates. As usual the scene cuts to Harry giving his son a pep talk on the platform… but just before the scene fades out and the credits begin to roll, we see that’s we’re not the only ones watching the next general of Potter’s and Weasley’s board the train, ready to start their Hogwarts adventure. Our point of view is shared with the familiar face of Voldemort; watching the children from afar with that knowing grin spreading across his face. As the audience we realise that Voldemort never really died and the saga will continue on… forever.

Though you could relax J.K? Thought you could ease into early retirement, knocking out the occasional adult novel? Nice try, love…

14 comments… read them below or add one

snowbird December 6, 2012 at 11:00 am

Hahahahaha….you are one crazy lady!xxxxx

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Scarlett December 6, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Lol xx

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ConfusedJulia December 6, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Hahaha! I LOVE Harry Potter too (and also I just watched Planes, Trains for the first time in years the other night!). I even got 99% in a Harry Potter quiz once – a quiz, I may have to add, that I wasn’t even obliged to take part in but just wanted to, you know, test my knowledge *glows with embarassment*. I would have loved to have seen the “I am your father” scene, although with the Fight Club ending I would have hoped that the Sorting Hat would have at least put him in Slytherin if it had realised he was a schizo psycho ;)

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Scarlett December 6, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Haha Julia, you should be so proud of your Harry Potter knowledge – it’s nothing to be ashamed of! xxx

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abeerfortheshower December 6, 2012 at 3:09 pm

That Fight Club ending is brilliant. It blew my mind. Along those lines, how about an ending ala The Usual Suspects? We find out Voldemort was actually fat, bumbling Neville just faking it all (the shyness, the ineptness, etc).

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Scarlett December 6, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Hahahaha yes that would be amazing!! xx

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Jess @UsedYorkCity December 6, 2012 at 10:14 pm

Oh goodness…would you hate me forever if I told you I’ve never watched the FIRST Harry Potter? I would make a terrible Brit, I know. xx

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Scarlett December 7, 2012 at 12:02 am

Haha! I forgive you!I only watched the last 5 whent he very last one was coming out so I’d know what the fuss was about x

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Sarcasm Goddess December 6, 2012 at 11:56 pm

The e card? Yes, yes, a thousand times, yes!

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Scarlett December 7, 2012 at 12:02 am

haha, glad I’m not alone! xx

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Julie December 12, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Amazing!! Love it :D
I am a huge Harry Potter geek and this is brilliant haha. Just think of the possibilities…
It’s a Wonderful Life ending… Everytime you hear a bell ring, another horcrux is destroyed.’
Or the Grease ending where the Hogwarts express flies up into the sky leaving behind aging Ron and Hermione dancing and waving up as Harry and Ginny fly off into the clouds!! :D xx

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Scarlett December 12, 2012 at 6:11 pm

haha those would be amazing! xx

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Julika December 13, 2012 at 5:11 pm

This post was hilarious! I love Harry Potter so much – I’m sure I’ll be rereading the books for the rest of my life! I like your last alternative ending – the story could just go on forever! :)

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Scarlett December 14, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Me too Julika! :) x

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