It’s common knowledge that Tinder is a dark world where morals are a loose concept and, rather than a dating app, it’s really more of a gateway to a whole new cross-section of bizarre people that exist mere miles from your own front door.
Last year I wrote about the types of lad you invariably find on Tinder and, spolier alert, they’re mostly creeps. Nonetheless, despite all my better judgement, I decided to venture back through the rabbit hole return to Tinder-land to see what’s new.
24 hours later and I’ve emerged; repetitive strain disorder in my thumb from swiping and much more dubious of the human race.
Tinder hasn’t changed; you’ve still got excessive amounts of grainy mirror selfies, headless torsos, people that you’re sure would skin you alive if they had the chance. So, just in case there’s any confusion, let’s just reiterate why Tinder is the worst.
Excessive photos of giant fish and/or drugged up tigers
Who knew urban fishing was such a big thing in the UK? Fucking not me. And, let’s face facts, nobody has ever been impressed by a photo of someone next to a tiger who’s been pumped so full of medication the poor thing can hear colours. These should be used only if you’re ready to debate the pros and cons of wild animal tourism with a stranger.
The fact that ‘moments’ exist
Apparently reserved exclusively for photos of food or dick pics.
‘Last active’ being a bad grass
As well as letting any psychos you’ve matched with know that you’re ignoring them, there’s nothing worse than seeing that the one guy that you actually liked is very much active… but swerving you completely.
Seeing everybody you know on there
There’s no real shame in being on a dating app anymore, but it still doesn’t mean you want to see half of your office, two of your exes and the lad you’ve got a thing for on there. Or for them to read the bio that you spend so long trying to sound cool in, but is invariably cringey anyway. Which brings us on to…
As I’ve already mentioned, bios are awkward enough without people highlighting points in them.
Unnecessarily heavy bios
“RIP GARY, PAUL, STEVO, GONE NEVER FORGOTTON” – by all means, pay your respects to your dead loved ones… but perhaps in the but is your Twitter bio really the place to do it? It’s actually really quite shocking how many people do this.
Overtly sexual messages
“Have you ever had a threesome with two men?” UNMATCH.
So, in summary, Tinder remains a terrifying, soul destroying past time. Though, I still haven’t deleted my account. What can I say; I’m a sucker for punishment.
Until next time… x