Alcohol is a dangerous thing. It can ruin lives, tear families apart and, worst of all, make me think I have the charisma and vocal range to pull off singing Bohemian Rhapsody on karaoke to a bar full of middle aged Irish men on St. Patrick’s day.
I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that I’m not the only one who reacts differently depending on the type of alcohol I drink. I’m also going to assume I’m not the only one who has sworn off certain spirits after a particularly heavy night that may or may not have ended with someone offering the cab driver £20 to go through the Maccies drive through, shortly before throwing up all over the seat and windows.
So, to help you all feel a little less ashamed of your behaviour under the influence, I’m dedicating today’s post to how different alcohol affects me…
I’m starting with Gin because, as we all know, Gin is the juice of the devil. Within two hours of me having any sort of gin-based concoction you will either find me sobbing on the bathroom floor or going full-crank and tweeting the lyrics to ‘Freak Me Baby’ to Boris Johnson. It’s all fun and games until someone ends up on the front page of the Daily Mail.
Every time I drink Beer I lose all concept of personal space – mainly that of other people.
Cava is my drink of choice when I’m having a catch up with the girls. It usually makes me feel very, very wise – which means each sip is usually followed by me giving my friends advice that invariably begins with, “Listen up, you beautiful bitch, I’m about to fuck you up with some truth…”
I tend to go for cocktails when I want my inner Black Momma to come bursting out. By 11pm I’m usually talking in nothing but clicks and ‘mmmhmmmms.’
Before I discovered my love for Rum, Vodka was my drink of choice – so I always thought could pull off vodka-drunk like a pro. I was wrong. It turns out that, actually, I get really intense about how amazing my friends and family are and how much I love them. Which sounds like a lovely reaction – except that I get really, really intense about it.
And finally, Rum. If Gin is the devil of drinks, then Rum is definitely Jesus. I don’t get drunk on rum, I just get really, really fabulous*.
Until next time… x
*Disclaimer: The views expressed about Rum are those of myself alone and in no way represent the opinions of my fella, family or any disgruntled ex-employers.