February 6, 2018 in Category If You Ask Me,Scarlett Life...,Scarlett View...

Please don’t invite me to your baby shower

Nowadays, people seem to find any reason to throw a party. Kids are leaving nursery traipsing round in full graduation clobber, holding scrolls before they can even hold a pen, and don’t even get me started on gender reveals.

It’s not that I don’t like a party. Most parties, once you’ve had enough drinks to gloss over the fact that the reason behind it is ridiculous, are sound. Most parties I’m dead up for. Except baby showers – in which case, count me the fuck out.

I mean, I get it; you’re excited. I would be too – probably. But let’s call a spade a spade: baby showers are nothing more than a thinly veiled excuse to get presents.

If you’re one of my mates reading this, furiously grasping the un-posted baby-shower invite in your sweaty little hand, thinking how much of a total bitch I am; please understand that it’s not that I don’t love you. And It’s not that I don’t want to get you a present – I will, I’ll even deliver it personally to your house. It’s just that I don’t want to come to the shower.

Let me explain; what if your kid ends up being a complete dickhead. Have you thought of that? And I’ve already had to attend a whole alcohol-free afternoon in it’s honour. Are you going to refund me on that time? Didn’t think so.

And frankly, babe, I’m not thrilled at the concept of pretending to be excited about the demise of our fun. Babies are fun-suckers, everyone knows that, so let’s not pretend we don’t agree just because you’re growing one.

I know what you’re thinking. “I bet when she gets knocked up she throws a baby shower and expects us all to come.”

Of course I fucking will. For a start, I love the attention – and besides, if i’ve had to sit through all of yours, you better believe I’m going to repay the favour.

wink gif

Until next time… x

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