I’m going to tell you a little secret…

I spend more time than I’d care to admit, looking at hot women on the internet. 

(In fact, I’m about three Google images away from becoming Ashley Olsen’s official stalker.)

This isn’t because I’m a lesbian(although I can’t, hand on heart, tell you that I would kick Mila Kunis out of bed) but simply  because I appreciate women for the beautiful fucking creatures that they are – not to mention all of the hard work that goes into having a banging body.

So obviously, during my time in Paris I booked tickets to  the pinnacle of lust in the city of love; the famous Moulin Rouge

So here are just a few things that the ladies of the Moulin Rouge taught me about being sexy… 

Everything sounds sexier in French

Have you ever heard Abba’s “Dancing Queen” sang by a semi-naked French girl? I swear it’s not nearly as shrill and soul destroying* as the English version.

Don’t give away too much too quick

From the moment the show kicked off, there were more sets of boobs on that stage than fat, bald men at a football match… but once the novelty had worn off, (about 15 minutes in for most people… although I’m not sure the same can be said for the lone guy who was sat next to me, who I think might have cut a hole in his pocket…) the initial rush of glamorous sex appeal had become more a game of “spot the weird nipples”. It just reinforced what our Mother’s taught us, ladies – save something for the finale!

Small boobs are sexy too

As someone who’s always had a bit of a complex about the size of my rack (or lack of it), I was happy to see that not one of the beautiful women on that stage were bigger than a B cup… and I can also vouch that not a single man in the room was complaining!

Creating an ambience is crucial

*Spoiler alert* My illusions of seeing Nicole Kidman swinging from the beams in a top-hat were immediately shattered when the show opened with a crowd of male dancers, (each donning a pair of rhinestone encrusted dungarees that are so tight they practically have a camel toe) getting their “jazz hands” into action to a song entitled “Sparkle Dance”. Now, I’m no expert in the art of seduction, but I can guarantee that if this same scenario was played out in a seedy club in Majorca, it wouldn’t generate quite the crowds that the Moulin Rouge does. But in the luxurious, red backdrop of one of Paris’s iconic buildings, even this spectacle was kind-of hot.

Half a bottle of Champagne makes everything sexier

But we already knew that, didn’t we…

14 comments… read them below or add one

snowbird October 18, 2012 at 9:24 am

Brilliant stuff , it hasn’t changed from when I went there many moons ago.xxxxx

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Scarlett October 18, 2012 at 9:47 am

I didn’t expect it to be like it was – but it was still a great night xx

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Hogga October 18, 2012 at 3:12 pm

That looks like a pretty good time. Not going to lie, until pretty recently I didn’t know Moulin Rouge was a real thing or that it still did the cabaret!

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Scarlett October 18, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Haha! I knew it was real, but I assumed Ewan McGregor would be there xx

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Monica October 18, 2012 at 8:58 pm

Haha, everything is indeed sexier after half a bottle of champagne. I like your point about not giving it all away too soon but after half a bottle of champagne…who are we kidding!

And it’s nice to know I’m not the only one who pervs on girls on the internet. I do it all the time, mainly when I don’t want to go to the gym and it’s a good bit of inspiration!

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Scarlett October 25, 2012 at 11:01 am

Haha I do the exact same thing – or when I’m about to eat something bad xx

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Kris October 22, 2012 at 8:00 pm

It’s always disappointing that life doesn’t play out like a musical film. Still, it sounds like someone unbelievably gay had managed to get their hands on the program/costume choices haha.

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Scarlett October 24, 2012 at 8:44 am

Kris, I swear I’ve never seen so much sequined spandex in all my life xx

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AnitaMac October 24, 2012 at 8:42 am

Hilarious. Was just thinking about the Moulin Rouge. Went there with an ex (long story!) a few years ago. Totally not what I expected and more champagne may have been good! Still loved the night out. Heading back to Paris next week and the show just popped into my head!

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Scarlett October 24, 2012 at 8:45 am

Ahh I’m so jealous you’re headed back in a week – have an amazing time. It wasn’t what I expected at all either xx

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Leigh-Ann October 25, 2012 at 10:57 am

I would love to visit the Moulin Rouge. So funny abou the “spot the weird nipples” competition

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Scarlett October 25, 2012 at 10:59 am

It’s definitely worth a visit! xx

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Erik October 28, 2012 at 12:48 am

Love this post! I’ve never been, but it sure is the ‘quintessential’ Parisian experience.

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Scarlett October 28, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Thanks Erik, it’s fab x

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