January 12, 2012 in Category A Day In The Scarlett Life...,Scarlett Life...

“Hiya Love, Are You Dead?”

The following is a voice mail I received from my 81 year old Grandmother at approximately midday, a couple of days before Christmas…

“Hiya Love, it’s just your Nan.

So… Edna called me up last week about some awful accident at the boat club.

Did you hear about it?

Apparently someone fell through the thin ice on the canal and drowned.

Awful that, isn’t it?


Edna thought it might have been you….

…So I thought I best give you a ring to check it wasn’t.

Give us a call when you can love. Love you.”

Now, as much as I dislike dear old ‘Edna from across the block’, (Just because she’s old now doesn’t mean I can’t still see her for what she is; the shit stirring, loud mouth who was the bane of most of my teenage life) it good to hear she’s concerned about my welfare…

…Evidently a lot more so than my own grandmother who spent a week accepting the possibility that I was sleepin’ with the fishes before thinking to give me a bell to check.

I despair.

16 comments… read them below or add one

Cari January 12, 2012 at 6:41 pm

Bahahahaha! Jen, I do not mean to laugh at the fact that you might be dead, but your Gran sounds hilarious. Great post made my day, stay away from the canal, okay?


Christina Majaski January 12, 2012 at 6:42 pm

My mom has done that before. Leaves a vm that says “just checkin if you’re okay. Call us if you aren’t.”


plantdotty January 13, 2012 at 12:12 am

That’s hysterical…..can’t stop laughing here.


Melissa January 13, 2012 at 3:41 am

LMAO. THAT is amazing. Your grandma sounds hilarious! Atleast she remembered to check up on you eventually?!

More importantly, why on earth did Edna think you’d be falling through ice?! How random!


Jenn January 13, 2012 at 10:39 am

HA HA!! Oh I mean–so glad you’re not swimming with the fishes but still. This is too funny!! Your Gramma is a hoot!! LMAO!!

Cheers, Jenn.


Mayor Gia January 13, 2012 at 12:46 pm

Hahahah your grandma sounds (unintentionally) hilarious. Hey, she’s just concerned!


Jo January 13, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Speaking on behalf of the elderly…I can because I am one…We are busy people and you young ones who don’t even bother to just check in with us every few days should not be surprised that we have other things to finish up before calling to see if you fell through the damned ice you should not have been skating on in the first place. *scuffling off to get something done now*

? Love this, btw


Alexandra January 13, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Oh, to the town gossip.

We had an old biddy like that, who always ran to my mother when she saw me hitchhiking.

The WOMAN saw EVERYthing.

Lovely to meet you.

And, yes, my mother will call and ask, “heard there was a car crash, mother killed with her children in a van, was it you?”

So, yes, you and I: I think we may get along just fine.

ALSO: your security questions are too hard. Try one. *winks*


k~ January 13, 2012 at 5:42 pm

I’m not sure which made me laugh harder, your Gran’s voice message, or Jo’s defense of the elderly.

Thanks for sharing the conversation, sometimes it’s the simple things that can both infuriate, and make us laugh. :-)


Kathy January 13, 2012 at 5:52 pm
Lauren Alissa Hunter January 14, 2012 at 6:02 am

HAHAHA I love these sorts of posts, that is great. I love that she waited a week to make sure you hadn’t suffered an icy death.


Jen January 14, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Haha, Thanks so much for the comments everyone!

In more recent news, Nan rang back to inform me that she’s told Edna I haven’t met my untimely demise – and Edna has promised to inform “The rest of the girls at the institute”… I’d be interested to know why the whole Women’s Institute of Liverpool think I’m dead.

Jo: haha LOVED your comment x

Alexandra: Sounds very interesting, would love more of the hitchhiking tales. And, tell me about it – I have to count on my fingers! x


Bee January 15, 2012 at 4:49 am

I have never gotten one of these calls, I feel left out! Maybe it’s because I don’t screen enough, who knows.


ShimonZ January 15, 2012 at 6:31 am

Maybe she’s hinting that she would like to hear from you more often.


Monica January 15, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Haha, this really made me giggle. Imagine how pissed off your nan would be if you’d been dead for a week and no one had told her!


Carola January 15, 2012 at 6:16 pm

This is just too funny, if in a sad kind of way…. nahhh, it’s just plain hillarious.


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