This is an actual phone conversion between myself and The Boyfriend, that took place last week when his sister was visiting for the weekend to celebrate her birthday…   

 Me: Have you got Rach a card and pressie for her Birthday yet?

 Boyfriend: No

 Me: You do know it’s her Birthday today and we’re seeing them tonight don’t you.

 Boyfriend: Yeah I know, but she’s already been round this morning so she knows I haven’t.

 Me: She’s been round? So… did you just tell her you’re a terrible brother and you forgot??

 Boyfriend: No! I gave her all those out of date tokens of ours for the pier… and I found one of my old birthday cards and just crossed the names out and changed them.

 Me: You gave her an old birthday card with the names changed? Wow, so you ARE a shit brother.

 Boyfriend: …I drew her a picture too. It took me ages.

 Me: Oh god, what did you draw.

 Boyfriend: I’m not telling you… I might have got carried away.

 Me: …tell me.

 Boyfriend: OK, but for the record she thought it was really funny.

 Me: Oh god…

 Boyfriend: *giggling* It was a vagina looking at itself in the mirror.

 He wasn’t lying either…

Disclaimer: I should probably point out that he’s not a cheap bastard, neither does he not give a fuck about his sister’s birthday.
He was waiting for his loan to come in.
(He told me to say that.)