November 16, 2011 in Category Scarlett Guides To Life...,Work

The Scarlett Guide To… Office Lingo

Office work is full of hits and misses…

On the one hand you’re out by 6pm, you get to sit down with the option of guzzling tea and biscuits all day every day and, (if you’re lucky enough to work with anyone remotely sound,) you get to reap the benefits of free alcohol at the Office Christmas party or at least the occasional glass of wine and a giggle after work on a Friday.

On the other hand you might find yourself waking up every morning resenting the fact you have to spend the majority of your life surrounded by people you hate, and dread listening to Fat Caz* from admin, and her vast and varied tales of sexual debauchery, day in day out.

Either way, whatever office you find yourself working in there are the same couple of phrases that you will hear uttered on a daily basis, so here a few translations to get you started on equal footing…

The Scarlett Mini-Guide To… Office Lingo

Are you making a cup of tea? = Make me a cup of tea.

Would you mind helping me with… = Would you mind doing this for me…

Oh… didn’t you get my e-mail = I didn’t send an e-mail.

You know that e-mail I CC’d you into last week= I’m wondering why you haven’t completely dealt with that e-mail I CC’d you into last week, even though you weren’t the primary recipient and I haven’t bothered to mention it to you since…

When is the IT guy coming in again? = I fancy the IT guy!

When is the IT guy coming in again? = I’ve broken my computer… probably by clicking that link on facebook when I should have been working… now it’s spamming me with adverts for XXX red hot babes.

Are you busy? = I’m going to offload a week’s worth of jobs onto you so I can stand at the printer and chat up the IT guy for the rest of the day

The printer’s broken = The printer has run out of paper

The printer’s broken = The printer has run out of ink. (Probably because I’ve secretly been printing out birthday invitations/colour photos of my dog/CVs to pass around elsewhere.)

The printer’s broken = I’ve broken the printer.

*More about Fat Caz another time…

19 comments… read them below or add one

Melissa November 16, 2011 at 1:51 pm

Hahahah this is hilarious. And basically 100% true. Except here it would be “Are you making coffee?” AKA “Please go make some coffee” ;)

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Jen November 17, 2011 at 9:04 am

Lol Melissa, there’s my stereotypical English person coming out… TALLY HO x

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plantdotty November 16, 2011 at 11:53 pm

Brilliant!!!! Imwetting myself here!xxxx

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Jen November 17, 2011 at 9:05 am

Thanks Plantpot :) obviously you’ve done your time in an office too x

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Stefanie November 17, 2011 at 2:50 pm

I almost peed myself reading this…it’s so true! I especially hate the CC one. I never know if it’s my job to handle or someone else’s…and luckily at my office we have a Keurig machine that allows you to make individual cups of tea or coffee, so I never get stuck making it for someone else!

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Jen November 17, 2011 at 4:09 pm

Stef you’re so lucky! There’s nothing worse that trying to remember how many sugars 15 people take every time you just want to get up to go to the toilet x

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Erik November 20, 2011 at 2:27 am

Too funny. I’ll bet everyone has lingo for their field. In mine, many of them revolve around profanity…. so I can’t write a similar post, it would offend too many people.

Nice Work!

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Christina Majaski November 20, 2011 at 2:28 am

hahaha…no lie. The printer’s broken almost always means I’ve pressed every button EXCEPT start/print.

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Jen November 20, 2011 at 11:34 am

Lol Christina, or “I’ve tried everything except plugging it in at the wall!”

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Ashley November 20, 2011 at 4:36 am

Haha! Isn’t that SO true about the damn email!! “I swear I sent it!” Mhm, but you ask them to resend it to you and they somehow forget about it..

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Dan Collins November 20, 2011 at 9:42 pm

This is amazing! It’s so true to my old work too… apart from fancying the IT guy. For me it was the receptionist, she had such a crazy accent!

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Jen November 20, 2011 at 9:48 pm

Lol, Dan why lie? x

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Carola November 22, 2011 at 5:16 pm

Hey Jen, I recently posted about my job and the possitive sides of it. I like your funny approach to office life. I can always count on your ammusing posts to give me a good laugh.

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Julia November 28, 2011 at 2:20 pm

Hahaha! You’ve forgotten “Was I copied in that email?” (code for “Why the hell was I not copied in that email?”) and “The meeting will only last 20 minutes” (code for “The meeting will probably stretch on until the dawn of time with us all discussing the same topic and going round in circles until one of us dies of dehydration and/or starvation”).

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Jen November 28, 2011 at 2:34 pm

Ohhh my god Julia don’t even get me started on “we’ll just have a quick meeting to catch up” where you have to sit for hours listening to what Joan from accounts is going to think about doing two weeks on Tuesday. Kill. Me NOW! xx

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Jeff November 28, 2011 at 5:00 pm

“Help me understand…”
is really a preface for “what the hell were you thinking when you did this?”

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Jen November 28, 2011 at 5:05 pm

Lol, you’re right Jeff… as is “Let me just clarify something…” xx

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Emma Gray October 24, 2012 at 12:21 pm

I’ve never really worked in an office before, and this is pretty much the reason why! Funny stuff as always, lovely xx

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Scarlett October 24, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Thankyou lovely xx

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