February 5, 2013 in Category If You Ask Me,Scarlett View...

Things That Creep Me Out: Part Two

I knew the minute I started to write the last ‘things that creep me out‘ post that it would end up being just the first installment of a whole library of things that knock me sick on a daily basis…

My problem is, ever since I spent the best part of 35 minutes searching for the worst of Justin Bieber’s selfies to enthrall you with, my acute sense of disgust for the many aspects of the human race has been heightened considerably. I can’t seem to turn a fucking corner without discovering something new to send shudders down my spine. So I thought to myself, what better way to get these creepy images out of my head, than letting them infiltrate yours…

 

The fact that someone, somewhere, might be trying to recreate The Human Centipede

Do you remember the good old days, before Tom Six had full reign to spill the contents of his mind onto our TV screens; the days when you could sleep soundly in the knowledge that there probably wasn’t a maniac sewing one stranger’s arsehole to other stranger’s mouth? Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t buy this bullshit about films influencing entire generations and turning people into mass murderers… but let’s just say someone was already a psychopath - and planning a headline-grabbing homicide - you can guarantee the Human Centipede isn’t the film we want them to be watching. Which brings me to my next point; why hasn’t Tom Six, at the very least, having his internet search history checked at sporadic intervals throughout the year?

Hitting on people by singing

I know what you’re thinking; “people actually do this???” Well the answer is yes, yes they do. In the space of just ten days two friends of mine had been cornered by a ballad singing creep. Let me expand:

Singing Creep #1

The local stoner invited Mate#1 for a evening walk on the beach and, (having the inability to say no, no matter how ridiculous a situation might be) she agreed. As the sun was setting she suggested they head home, which he agreed was a good idea… but not until he had given her a present. The ‘present’ was to sit her down and sing Areosmith’s “I Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing” to her. The whole song, including the, “I don’t wanna miss one smile…” interlude. In the dark.

Singing Creep #2

No less than ten days later Mate#2 was minding her own business at a bar when a normal-looking fella offered to buy her a drink. After chatting for a while, they went outside for a cigarette which is where he made his move. He leaned in close, closing his eyes as he neared her face… then very softly began to sing Michael Jackson’s “Man in the Mirror” into her ear. Seriously.

Creepy family photos

There is a fine line between ‘cute’ and ‘call child protection services’… and the above definitely crosses this line. Personally, I blame the likes of Pinterest for this subtle but distinct shift from normal family photos to these sort of hideously awkward ones; now people can put their entire family life online for people to judge, there is the constant need to outdo one another in the ‘cute’ stakes… which, if you ask me, ultimately leads to the train wreck of a family above.

This.

Until next time… x

31 comments… read them below or add one

Marina February 5, 2013 at 2:02 pm

Between naked family and bikini woman I am traumatized for life (human centipede scarred me long ago). I will never be able to un-see those images! I also thought singing to women was a reality show thing that never happens in real life, and I am embarrassed for mankind that I was misguided in that assumption. It’s just.so.wrong.

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Scarlett February 5, 2013 at 3:27 pm

I will never be able to unsee that old woman… I will live in fear for the rest of my life incase I end up looking like that and noboby tells me xx

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Ian Leonard February 19, 2013 at 11:38 pm

Unless you have implants you haven’t blogged about you shouldn’t end up like her……..

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Scarlett February 20, 2013 at 8:19 am

Haha, I don’t. She is an advert never to though xx

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lauradaviesx February 5, 2013 at 3:21 pm

That family photo is so horribly disturbing…! who would even suggest that?! xxx

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Scarlett February 5, 2013 at 3:27 pm

I know!! Imagine being one of those kids and seeing that when you grow up… disturbing x

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Annie Jay February 5, 2013 at 5:13 pm

Dear gods I’m scarred by that picture of that old lady as well.

And the singing thing… On my fourth date with my most recent ex he started singing Bruno Mars’s “Marry You”. The commitment-phobe in me was never quite able to get over it!

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Scarlett February 6, 2013 at 12:59 pm

Oh god! I would have ran out the door! That Bruno Mars song has been making situations awkward ever since it was released xx

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Katherina February 5, 2013 at 6:22 pm

the old woman’s image is going to appear in my worst nightmares for the rest of my life (together with that family photo and the terrible imthe human centipede!! -this last one being the worse of all…)

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Scarlett February 6, 2013 at 12:58 pm

The family photo isn’t far off the human centipede if you ask me xxx

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Hogga February 5, 2013 at 9:24 pm

I’m so uncomfortable right now

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Scarlett February 6, 2013 at 12:57 pm

I was uncomfortable writing it… xx

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Tanya February 5, 2013 at 10:41 pm

ugghhh the bikini woman. just the worst.

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Scarlett February 6, 2013 at 12:57 pm

I’m pretty sure it’s Donatella Versace… xxx

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snowbird February 6, 2013 at 3:26 pm

The human centipede!!! Argh, what kind of mind thinks that up? xxxxx

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Scarlett February 6, 2013 at 4:25 pm

I know, it literally knocks me sick x

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Kris February 6, 2013 at 5:24 pm

If someone ever sings to you on a date (insists rather), I’m firmly convinced that you’ll end up in small pieces in a container somewhere in their house.

I can’t stop laughing. These things are legitimately terrifying, but I’m especially frightened that some photographer was okay with a naked family pile.

No to all of these things. Aah!

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Scarlett February 6, 2013 at 6:00 pm

I totally agree, you know they’ve got a gimp or something that lives in their basement too x

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Kris February 12, 2013 at 2:36 pm

Locked in a box no less. ;)

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winopants February 6, 2013 at 11:31 pm

God, unsee unsee unsee unsee…

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Scarlett February 7, 2013 at 8:07 am

That’s exactly how I felt xx

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Jess @UsedYorkCity February 7, 2013 at 1:00 pm

OMG, just spit out my coffee when I looked at that family photo, bahahaha! Thanks for making my morning;-)

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Scarlett February 7, 2013 at 1:11 pm

It’s terrifyingly hilarious! xx

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Nicola February 7, 2013 at 4:38 pm

I literally do nt think I can handle this post. It is just the funniest and truest thing I have ever seen x

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Scarlett February 7, 2013 at 5:34 pm

Haha! It’s truly terrifying is what it is x

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Antoinette February 8, 2013 at 9:35 pm

I don’t know what’s more disturbing, that family photo or sexy grandma in her wee-bit barely-there bikini! Man I almost fell off my seat when I saw this post! Haha!

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Scarlett February 10, 2013 at 11:34 am

Lol – terrifying isn’t it xx

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Suzy Marie February 15, 2013 at 11:45 pm

Yeeeeeah I totally agree about the Human Centipede thing. Or any weirdo horror type stuff. WHY aren’t the people who wrote these films having checks done on them?! If one weirdo can think of the stuff then surely other people can too. It makes me really scared haha.

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Scarlett February 17, 2013 at 11:53 am

Exactly my thoughts – instead, Tom Six has been commissioned to write the third film xx

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Carl February 19, 2013 at 11:19 pm

Seriously… There wasn’t one member of that family who thought “you know what, this pose is a little bit odd”?! Wow…

“You boys er… comfy up there?” :S

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Scarlett February 20, 2013 at 8:21 am

Exactly my thoughts! xx

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