October 3, 2017 in Category Europe,Scarlett Adventures...

Things I did in Amsterdam that you should too

There’s nothing I hate more than people who do something once and are suddenly an expert on it. You know, like when I wrote a camping survival list after going once – despite the fact there was a full toilet and kitchen block.

So I won’t be pimping myself out as your new tour guide, but here are five things I did in Amsterdam that you should too.

Coffeeshop hopping

I’m going to take a stab in the dark and say that you haven’t lashed the Dam on your bucket list just for the gorgeous Georgian townhouses. So let’s call a spade a spade and assume we’re all heading to the coffeeshops (not to be confused with regular cafes) for a bit of wake and bake.

Unless you’re my mum, in which case I had a latte and judged everyone else.

Before we went, everyone was raving about Barney’s – which was nice enough, don’t get me wrong. But my favourite place to chill was The Jolly Joker in the Red Light District. Not only was it much nicer inside that a lot of the others, (with a big window for people watching) there’s also a bar next door which serves alcohol and lets you smoke under the brollies outdoors.

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The Sex Museum

Call me a cock enthusiast if you will, but the sex museum is much better than most of your bang average tourist traps IMO. Even once you get over the general laugh of it, seeing how filthy people have been since the dawn of time is actually really interesting.

And at 5 euros it’s worth popping in just for a pic with the big dick statues.

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Red Light Mooching

As awful as it sounds, you absolutely have to visit the Red Light District even if it’s just to have your eyes opened.. Not a lot shocks me, but even I was taken aback seeing girls in doorways from literally 10am, knocking on the glass to get the attention of strangers wandering the streets looking for a shag.

The prostitution aspect aside, the sex shops are worth a look round and some of my favourite bars and restaurants were around the RLD, not to mention Insta opportunities. Oh, and I did plan on going to a sex show, you know… just to see. But at 55 euros each we decided it was a bit expensive just to be nosy bastards. So that’s still on the list.

red light district amsterdam

Munchies

It’s hardly a coincidence that somewhere that has legalised weed has a pizza place or a waffle shop within stumbling distance on every street. After spending the majority of Saturday in the aforementioned outdoor bar area, I wasn’t feeling too steady on my feet to say the least.

Getting home, as I remember it, was almost exactly like the scene from The Snowman where he takes the little boy’s hand and they float through the air together. Except, instead of whisking through the clouds, my fella just pulled me out from under cars and into waffle shops instead.

Now I’m not proud of this, but that night we had 12 nutella churros, 4 scoops of ice cream and a tub of Pringles when we got in. Needless to say the Ann Summers number I bought went to waste when I just fell asleep like a fat little hedgehog, only unhooking my bra because it was too tight.

In my defence I think I got so fucked up because I was playing catch up to cope with the fact my fella was so stoned in the day it was like he was walking through treacle. You know the ‘footage’ you see of Bigfoot where they’re all arms? That was him, lolloping 6 foot behind me. A night out with the fucking Slenderman.

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Wine and Dine

And finally, in our Red Light mooching we came across this gorgeous little bar/restaurant called De Haven Van Texel that was perfect if you want to sit overlooking the canals with a wine and feel like something out of a European silent movie. A European silent movie that’s ruined by your fella continuously muttering “nah but I do reckon there’s fish in that canal you know.”

As a city Amsterdam is pretty expensive by any standards, but we got two pints, a latte, a glass of wine, fries and two meals for 33 euros. Which you can’t really argue with.

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Until next time… x

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