August 23, 2017 in Category Scarlett Guides To Life...,Travel

Here’s what you need to know about Santa Pod’s Ultimate Street Car

Contrary to popular belief, this blog isn’t just a place for me to talk about how much of a dickhead I’ve been this week, but I actually see it as a great opportunity to dispense all sorts of (highly suspect) advice.

Those who know me will know I stand very much by the motto of ‘do as I say, not as I do.’ So, with that in mind, let’s preface this blog with a couple of things you shouldn’t do at Santa Pod’s Ultimate Street Car festival.

  • Don’t rely on plug sockets. There are some, apparently, but did I fuck find them when I was there, so don’t bank on being able to wash and blow your hair. To be fair though, if you haven’t already accepted the fact you’re hair is going to be 95% dry shampoo by the end of the weekend I would suggest rethinking going to a festival.
  • Don’t leave anything valuable in your tent. Again, this is a case of stating the obvious. You’re in a field with strangers, drunk strangers. And drunk people can’t be trusted to make any good decisions. So take anything you don’t want stolen, fallen on or thrown up over with you, or lock it in your car.
  • Don’t stay in club camping if you want an early night. That’s what family camping is for.
  • Don’t get too fucked up on the first night. Who are we kidding, of course you’re going to get fucked up on the first night. You’re going to rationalise it by saying you don’t want to drive home hungover on Sunday, then you’re going to spend all of Saturday hating yourself and wondering how small someone’s dick has got to be for them to sit revving the engine of their ST next to your tent at 10am.
  • Don’t rob a portaloo. Funny, but definitely won’t end well. 

santa pod ultimate street car

Right, now we’ve got that out the way here are some things that you definitely should do:

Invest in a fire pit

They cost about £20 from The Asda and will honestly make the whole experience more fun. There’s nothing that gathers a bit of a party like a roaring fire, and Santa Pod are absolutely fine with them so long as they’re off the ground and aren’t out of control. Just remember to take some wood with you.

Take your own ale

As with any festival, the drinks are so expensive they actually make your purse bleed – but luckily you can take your own ale, (provided there’s no glass bottles, though I should probably point out the policing of this rule is lackluster at best) Milk this as much as you can by taking a cooler box filled to the brim, and use your money on more important things like paying £4 each for a go on the bumper cars because you’re bladdered and it’s hilarious.

Have an survival pack

  • Headache pills – for when the revving of engines sounds like it’s scratching in inside of your brain
  • Baby wipes – to take to the portaloos to wipe down surfaces (and yourself, obv)
  • Dry shampoo – standard
  • In car phone charger – so you don’t have to find the elusive plugs
  • Speakers – for tent parties, and so you don’t have to just listen to the base of other people’s shit music. You could use your car, granted, but if you do take cables to jump-start the battery when you leave.
  • Condoms – better safe than sorry.

Don’t even bother with heels

I was going to say this is one for the girls, but who am I to pass comment on anyone’s fashion choices. There’s a rave tent, a fair and a fuckload of mud – so swerve the heels and stick to flats or cliched fezzy wellies.

Have fun

I’ll admit it, the portaloo fiasco wasn’t cool, but had the surrounding campers spoke to us rather than ringing the security, the whole night might have been less chaotic and they would have got a lot more sleep. So I guess what I’m saying is try not to be a dickhead and keep everyone awake all night, but if people ARE keeping you awake, be a normal person and speak to them. In summary: remember everyone’s just there to have a laugh.

Until next time… x

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