Valentine’s Day 1929; seven mob associates and a mechanic are murdered in Chicago by South Side Italian gang led by Al Capone in one of the most famous massacres in the history of organised crime.
Valentine’s Day 2016; girls across the country are about to unleash their own unique Valentine’s Day Massacre on their fella if he doesn’t get off his arse and do something nice for the big day.
For a day that’s meant to celebrate being in love, February 14th can be a complete nightmare.
Unless you’re still in the honeymoon period where your partner can do no wrong, it’s nothing but a headache. For lads especially, it’s an absolute minefield – if you don’t plan anything you’re in the shit. If you plan the wrong thing, well, you’re still in the shit, mate. Sorry.
The problem stems from girls putting too much significance on Valentine’s, and lads not putting enough. But, hey, what you gonna do?
Well, here’s what you’re going to do, boys. For one day you’re going to step up your game and make an effort. Stop rolling your eyes, see it as a free pass to watch the match on the big telly every Saturday for the next month.
But, I’m not leaving you out in the cold to fend for yourself, today me and the girls have sat down to put together a definitive list of what girls find attractive in lads. You’re welcome!
Fix up, look sharp
It doesn’t matter whether you’re on a first date or you’ve lived with the girl for the last 8 years, it’s one day, so get your gameface on.
I’m not saying you have to ‘suit up’ just to go to the pictures, but at least have a shave for God’s sake.
Or, if you’re going for the whole Chris-Pratt-circa-2015-stubbly-look, first of all; OMG call me and second of all; perhaps invest in some sort of beard grooming kit to keep the hobo-look at bay for the evening!
Also, there’s nothing in the world that’s sexier than a man that smells good.
Have a laugh
It’s true that if you can get a woman to laugh, you can get her to do anything. So don’t take yourself too seriously, and don’t be afraid to plan a date that’s a bit unusual. Girl’s love spontaneity… as long as whatever you plan doesn’t involve her getting her hair wet, in which case she needs at least a week’s notice. My team of wise women have suggested mini golf, ice skating or trampoline parks if you want an alternative to a restaurant
Which brings me on to my next point…
Take the reigns
Girls just want to feel special, so don’t just say ‘wherever you want to go is fine with me’ – take the lead and make some plans.
Oh, and you’re paying.
I know, I know, ‘women moan about equality but still want the man to pay blah blah blah’ – listen, I’m not here to debate equality amongst the sexes, I’m here to help you pull. And the fact of the matter is that you’re chances of doing so will significantly increase if you treat your date. If you’re skint just plan something that doesn’t cost as much – it’s not about how much you spend, it’s about making her feel special.
Make eye contact
Especially when there’s a lot of other hot girls around – she shouldn’t have to feel like she’s in competition for your attention with that blonde bird at the bar. Oh, and her eyes are UP HERE.
We all claim that we think flowers are ‘cheesy’ or a ‘waste of money’, but when it really comes down to it, nothing gets us smiling more than a bouquet, (trust me, give it ten minutes before there’s a photo of them on her Instagram!)
Again, if you’re strapped for cash get her a red rose. Yes it may seem cringy, but deep down she’ll love it.
Just because you’ve pulled out all the stops doesn’t mean she’s obliged to sleep with you. If she does; lucky you. If she doesn’t; better luck next time. But I can promise you one thing – being a dick about it isn’t going to get you laid.
Until next time… x