Well Hotties, it’s that time of year again; once again Valentines Day is looming ahead of us and travel companies have been brainwashing tempting us with weekends away in some of Europe’s many romantic destinations…
If you ask people what their ideal way to spend Valentines day with their loved one is, you’re bound to hear a chorus of the usual haunts; a bottle of wine in Paris, a gondola ride in Venice, or even sharing some spaghetti in Rome… just like Lady and the Tramp.
But for me, you can’t get much more romantic than lying on a beach in Spain, enjoying a fishbowl delicate lady-sized glass of Sangria.
I don’t know whether it’s the language, the food… or just too much Sangria in the heat, but there’s something about the local lifestyle that is just so exotic and sexy…
That said, possibly one of the most un-romantic moments of my life occurred in this beautiful country…
We were staying in a beautiful little Spanish village, when I dragged myself out of bed at all hours of the morning, snuck out of the house and headed down to the supermarket to stock up on ingredients for the perfect romantic Champagne-breakfast…
…Yes, OK, I lied. In reality it was so hot I could barely breathe, I’d been eaten alive by mosquitos and was so desperately hungover that I headed out in search of orange juice and carbs like my life depended on it.
But the point is I went to the Supermarket at 9am and bought breakfast… so that makes me a good girlfriend!
Anyway… as always I had completely misjudged the sheer amount of shopping I could carry, and halfway home began to lag…
Suddenly, like an angel a young Spanish man emerged from the dust-storm that surrounded me… and headed over to help me with my shopping…
What a gentleman…
…or so I thought.
All of my illusions of chivalry were squashed when the young Spanish man whipped out his raging erection and started to masturbate dramatically in front of me.
What the actual fuck?
Honestly, it took me a good few seconds to really take the situation in…
WHY was this young Spanish man furiously wanking in front of me?
I tried to step around him… only for him to leap infront of me again… well, I say leap, it was really more of an awkward scuttle – after-all he did have his pants around his ankles and a hard-on.
Swearing at him in my best Spanish accent; “Fuckio Youo… PERV” I, quite literally, grabbed my bags and RAN back to the apartment.
So there you have it kids, you can keep your Paris, you can even keep your meal overlooking the Colosseum, the Spanish town of Torrevieja is clearly where the magic really happens.
12 comments… read them below or add one
Whoa, I don’t know what I would have done! =O
Seems to me that the way to deal with something like this is to drop a euro in his hat. No hat? No problem! You can just drop it into those pants hung up around his ankle… and then with a wide smile, and your best English accent, you say, Great Show, fe llow!
Maria: Nor did I lol, what a strange little person! x
Lol Shimon, great idea!! x
O-M-G!! I know the shock of it all would have had me dazed and ultimately horrified…but if I coulda, I would–after I grabbed those bag & started running– I would have laughed really loud so he could hear me–just to mess with his brain. Not that he had one to start off with!! WOW. Glad you ran!! And a big Ewwww!! That certainly would have ruined my morning!!
Cheers, Jenn.
Haha Jenn, I really should have!! Really was a strange start to the morning – seriously, who DOES that at 9am??xx
Oh my God I am traumatized for you!! What the HELL?!
Purely from the male perspective and I’m not saying I have ever done this, in public or without request, I would recommend, should anything like this ever happen to a woman, remain calm, point with exaggeration, and laugh as loudly as you possibly can.
I would imagine the shock factor is part of the thrill, so take it away. Pointing and laughing at “his” most prized and perhaps visible possession undoubtedly would have an adverse effect on his sick mind.
Imagine if you will, doing your best dramatic performance of Shakespeare in the klieg lights and having the audience erupt in hysterical laughter, bit of a damper on the performance, and the actor would surely shrink away.
Melissa: I know, I was!! My boyfriend found it hysterical!xx
Tim: Haha! Very good idea, I wish I had of just laughed – I’ll keep it in mind for the future!x
Struth!!!! I’d have shrieked,”he’s got no strides on!” lol How awful!
OMG!! LMAO! I have NO IDEA what I would have done! I have no doubt I’d be traumatized for life lol!
OMG! Shit you don’t see everyday. What a perv. And with a hangover, too? Poor you. I hope the rest of the trip was amazing, though.
Love that despite the shock of this ordeal, you still managed the very english attitude of “speak loudly to him in a foreign accent and he’ll understand me”!!
Personally I’d have launched the carton of orange juice directly towards his balls.
xxx