I was never a particularly sporty kid.
That’s actually an understatement. I was the kid who’s only involvement in sports day was to bring the other kids water at the end of their races – the one who wasn’t allowed to take part in the Hurdles after she fell over the small practice ones and cut all her face up ONE TIME. On one memorable sports day, where by some sick twist of fate I was forced to take part in the 400 metre race, my mum actually ran onto the track with a bottle of water because she thought I was going to pass out.
So yeah, I wasn’t a particularly sporty kid.
My boyfriend, on the other hand, is one of these strange people who actually does like sports. As in he has his homepage set so he can constantly follow live sports updates on Bwin. Once, and I swear this is no word of a lie, he was asked to describe himself in three words during a job interview and he actually used ‘sporty’ as one of them – which, naturally, gave me no end of amusement.
Anyway, beside dragging myself to the gym a couple of times a week in an attempt to make my bum look like a different bum, I’ve managed to avoid sports at all costs for the majority of my adult life – but there are a few choice phrases that pop up every now and again that fill me with terror and send me hurtling back to being that un-sporty kid in high school.
And today, my beautiful friends, I’m going to share them with you…
Honestly, you’d be surprised how often people are willing to throw things like phones or cameras with nothing more than a jovial, “oh hey, catch” to warn you. Now, after years of watching expensive items bounce around my feet as I clap my hands like a sealion, my friends and family have finally accepted that it’s a lot easier, (and cheaper) to just walk the item over to me
“Can you kick our ball back over please?”
No, sorry kids. But I can volley it awkwardly over into the field next door, so it’s even further away from you. Is that OK?
My mum has always said, “never chase a man or a bus, both are very undignified” which is a lesson I’ve lived my entire life by… mainly because running for a bus means tottering along at a snail’s pace, twisting my ankle on some cobbles and having to do that ‘I wasn’t even trying to catch the bus’ run-to-walk as it drives off ahead of me.
Until next time… x