Last weekend I made a cameo appearance back in Brighton for the first time since I left 18 months ago.
The weekend was fabulous, thanks very much for asking. I might even write a post about how fabulous it was. But in the meantime there are much more pressing things to discuss; namely some of the absolutely bizarre things sold at Brighton’s famous ‘Snooper’s Paradise’
For those of you who’ve never been, Snoopers Paradise is a huge flea-market type shop in Brighton’s North Laines that basically sells the things that other people don’t want cluttering up their house anymore, or things that have nowhere to go when people die – just think how much of your crap might end up somewhere like that, depressing isn’t it? Anyway it means that it is filled with a whole mess of stuff that is simultaneously both amazing and creepy.
One of the things it’s never short of is terrifying dolls. You know the type that you find in a dark corner of the attic when you move into a new house but are too scared to throw away in case they crawl out of their land-fill grave and kill you in your sleep?
But as I was wandering round, (in awe of how many absolutely demonic looking dolls there are just in Brighton, let alone the rest of the world) it occurred to me that these horrific items were probably once very important to some little kid. Who might be dead now. And that made me sad… and a bit freaked out. So I started taking pictures – which, naturally, got out of hand quickly – and now I have all these fucked up photos on my phone that I don’t know what to do with.
So here it is; the definitive ranking of terrifying baby dolls on my phone. You are welcome.
Whilst the disembodied head is pretty creepy on its own, my bigger concern lies with the jar of taxidermied ducklings behind it – and why they’re going at a rate of £12 each.
This one looks like one of the cannibal toys you’d find in Sid’s Bedroom in Toy Story.
They say that if you stare into those cold dead eyes for more than 10 seconds, bloody Mary appears in your bedroom in the middle of the night.
The going rate for this character from Tim Burton’s wet dream, is £120. £120 of pure horror.
A perfect present for any traveler; a framed, vintage map… with a couple of baby’s arms glued onto it.
I also asked behind the desk, and they said they’d do me a special deal if I wanted to buy the set. So at least I know where to get a reasonably priced birthday present for someone I hate now.
And the winner of tonight’s terrifying doll awards goes to this little minion of Satan above. The worst thing about this one, except for the fact that it exists at all, is the fact it was probably bought for a young child. A young child that probably grew into a very troubled adult who’z ightmares are still haunted by their childhood doll.