The Lake District

So, as I’m packing my bags for a few days away in the Lake District, I’ve been reminiscing about the last time I was there – particularly the things I learnt from the experience. So, without further a do, I’m going to get stuck right into The Scarlett Guide To… things I learnt from a week in the Lakes District


Rain is inevitable

By day three eating soggy sandwiches on a bench in the rain and peeling my skinny jeans off like a second fucking skin had become the norm. I, quite literally, spent more time that week wet than I did dry. To be honest, you kind of get used to being wet – the main problem, for me, was the fact I hadn’t bothered to bring any waterproof jackets with me so, after an hour or so walking in the rain, my Zara mac has soaked up so much it was like carrying a small human on my back. So, if you’re planning a trip I’d recommend taking proper waterproof gear.

Ballet Pumps are a bad idea

If you’re planning on doing a fair bit of walking, I can’t stress enough how important it is to have proper shoes for it. On the second day I was wearing a pair of ballet pumps which, I thought, looked adorable… until I slipped down a small mountain** and bruised my legs, bum and (inexplicably) my knee. To be honest, I was glad to get out of walking for a bit and sit in the pub – but if you’re serious about hiking in the Lakes, Blacks have loads of cheap clothes for hiking you might want to think about getting.

I’m OK with being humiliated by children and pensioners 

I like to think of myself as relatively fit. Well, I mean I go to the gym a couple of times a week so I can look the waitress in the eye when I order ‘nachos for two, for one’ for the third time in two weeks at my local pub. I also do a shitload of walking because I care about my health – and my car is written off. Whatever. Anyway, whether you’re at the peak of fitness or not, I guarantee you’ll find yourself panting on your way up a mountain at some point – and it’ll be at that moment you see pensioners or children strutting past you like their out walking the dog, (which most of them are.) Don’t worry about it, unlike you they probably took their easier route up. Or you’re just really unfit. Think it over int he pub on the way down

You can buy absolutely anything you want in Windermere

….as long as it’s waterproof or of a fleece-based material. This includes, (but isn’t limited to) crocs.

Badgers are happy to eat beans. And Chips. And what-the-fuck-ever else they can get their paws on.

There’s a guy who runs a pub near Ambleside which is home to a huge family of badgers – unfortunately I’m not allowed to actually publish the name of the pub because badger baiting, despite being illegal, is still rife in the area, and you know what dickhead’s might come across this. Anyway, the fella feeds the badgers each night with the leftover pub food – and it’s absolutely amazing to see. So, if you’re going to the Lake District and want to get pissed and see badgers up close, (rather than being a sadistic hunter) contact me and I’ll let you know where to go.


Until next time… x 

 **This really depends on your definition of a ‘mountain’. Fucking hurt though.


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