Costumes you see every Halloween

Is it just me, or is Halloween on steroids this year? Maybe it’s the fact that it’s mid-week; smack bang in the middle of two weekends worth of opportunities to get mangled. Whatever the reason, I guarantee you’re going to see at least one girl, or a lad who thinks he’s hilarious,  still cutting about as Harley Quinn at your bommy night do.

Anyway, the thing that makes a Halloween party a Halloween party is that you have to show up in costume. Dems the rules. So, without further a do, here are some of the people you’re going to get stuck talking to this year… and how to cope.

halloween costumes you always see

Donald Trump

Whether it’s Hitler and his pervert-stache, Maggie and her hunchback or Blair and his ears; the political costume is always going to rear it’s ugly head – but I suppose it’s even more unavoidable due to the current state of the world/the absolute nutjobs in power.

How to cope: 95% of these people don’t actually want to talk about politics with you, so just laugh politely… or, if you’re in a cunty mood, talk shitloads of politics with them. If you go full ‘yer da’ and wax lyrical about Brexit the host might kick you out, which means you can go home and watch The Addams Family Values in bed.

Slutty Donald Trump

Replace ‘Donald Trump’ with pretty much anything remotely current and you’d find a girl who’s managed to slap a pair of suspenders on it. To be honest, I think there’s more people moaning about girls slutting it up on Halloween than there are girls doing it. But you’ll still find at least one.

How to cope: Stop hating and just let them live. Maybe you don’t need to get your tits out to feel sexy, but fuck it, every girl deserves one opportunity a year to get her hoe on if she wants to.

The Dead Celebrity

It’s inevitable; the dead celeb shout will always have a representative at a Halloween do. Get ready to see at least three lads donning their ma’s dressing gown to be Hugh Hefner this year. What’s worse; they actually do think they are the next playboy – you’ll find them in the corner texting ‘WYD X’ to multiple girls by 10pm.

How to cope: Despite the fact taking the most recent person to die and bringing them ‘back from the dead’ is probably the most obvious thing you can do for Halloween; these people think they’re edgy AF and really want someone to get angry-drunk about it. Don’t be that someone.

eye roll giff

Couple Costumes

The problem with couple costumes is that they’re inherently irritating by nature. Even if they are funny or clever, (which they invariably aren’t) they lose their charm because people see them as a completely unnecessary public display of affection. What you see as just cute Batman and Catwoman costumes, other people see as you ramming your relationship down their throat. It’s the fancy dress equivalent of you shagging on the floor.

How to cope: If you’re single, avoid them. If you’re with your date, roll your eyes on the sneak, then avoid them.

“I didn’t wear a costume because Halloween isn’t a real holiday”

Listen dickhead; why are you here? You have 364 other days of the year to show up to a party in a pair of jeans and a hugo boss t-shirt, live a little.

How to cope: Say “nice costume, did you come as a boring cunt?” then laugh like you’re joking, even though you both know you’re not.

Happy Halloween… x

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