I don’t generally get embarrassed. Not because I’m one of these people who claim to have thick skin, then go and rock themselves to sleep while replaying every humiliating thing they’ve ever done – but more because I’m forever tripping over, calling people the wrong names or congratulating someone on their pregnancy and then finding that they’re not pregnant. Or, in fact, even a woman. So, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve learnt to pick my battles.

So, with that in mind, let me tell you about the three horribly embarrassing moments from last week, where I’ve genuinely considered leaving the real world and going to live under somebody’s stairs.

embarassing moment

1) Alarm-gate

There was some compulsory training on my first day of my new job, which was good because I got to meet a few people and calm my nerves a bit, before getting stuck in. Or at least it would have calmed my nerves had I remembered to turn my 10am alarm off. Which I hadn’t.

So, at 10am on the dot, just as the HR department was walking the room through some serious company policies, the very quiet, but very significant opening of ‘the lion sleeps tonight’ tore through the silence. The next two minutes was a blind panic of scrambling around my Mary Poppins-esque handbag while my phone screamed “a whimba way a whimba way” louder and louder to a room of people desperately trying to pretend nothing was happening.

2) Chicken-gate

The next horribly mortifying moment was at the launch party for my lovely friend, @ScouseBirdProbs, new app last week. The party was catered by Nandos, so there was this big, five-tiered platter of chicken wings on the table I was at.

It was one of these fancy tables with a ice bucket in the middle – that, I assume, you’re meant to buy a bottle of expensive vodka for. But, being poor and uncool, I hadn’t. So, I go to reach for my distinctly average drink and I accidentally knocked the whole platter of chicken wings into the ice bucket. Naturally I panicked and tried to fish them out before even more people noticed.

By the time I’d managed throw most of them back onto the platter and had at least half the room roll their eyes at me, I was so mortified I couldn’t even bring myself to tell the people who came over for a piece of chicken what had happened. I ended up spending the rest of the evening keeping my eyes firmly fixed on my drink as people who hadn’t witnessed chicken-gate walked past saying, “these are a bit soggy aren’t they”.

3) Wind-gate

And finally… for my second day at work, (where I assume I’m already probably known as the ‘awhimbaway girl’) I wore an adorable black dress that I’d bought the weekend before to try and convey some sort of professionalism.

So, at lunch I strutted out to buy myself a little pot of leaves, (I’m on the salad graft at the minute in a desperate attempt to get fit as fuck for Summer. Which means I’m an emotional wreck and constantly on the verge of throwing a shoe at someone.) feeling like Andi from The Devil Wears Prada, when a rogue breeze blew my dress up around my shoulders.

It was in that moment that I realised my dress might be adorable but it had absolutely no weight to it, so even so much as a desk fan had the power to strip me of any last shreds of dignity.

Every time I held the front down, the back would blow up and vice versa so, (in a desperate attempt to avoid half of Liverpool seeing my ‘wash day’ knickers) I decided to run across the road and take shelter in a shop. But somehow, as I thundered across the road like a baby rhino, the wind blew my shoe clear off and I spent the next five minutes chasing it across the dual carriageway whilst simultaneously bearing my arse, dodging traffic and wanting to die inside.

Anyone else made a show of themselves this week? Anyone? Please…?

Until next time… x

 

 

14 comments… read them below or add one

Toni May 5, 2014 at 8:01 pm

I think I would have just given up and hidden in my bed for the entire week after alarm gate never mind anything else lol. Kudos for continuing to be awesome and embarrassing in equal measures sweet :D ;)

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Lesley May 5, 2014 at 9:00 pm

Ah bless hun. It can only get better from now on in and if not there is always the voddy xx

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Lady Jewels Diva May 6, 2014 at 1:20 am

Bloody hell!

I don’t think I’ve ever had it so bad but then dresses that can blow up around my head have never been in my wardrobe. Fallen over a few times though.

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Angry Wooderson May 6, 2014 at 1:34 am

Not recent, but also chicken-related. My high school graduation… my parents and grandparents couldn’t agree on where to go to dinner. My grandfather got pissed and decided to buy buckets of Kentucky Fried Chicken to eat at their place. I’m unpacking the car, still in my cap and gown, while carrying buckets of chicken. These street kids from the next building start yelling at me, and I dump a whole bucket of chicken on the front steps. My brother in law start to eat a drumstick when “What? The chicken fell on the ground??”

Good luck with the new job.

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Addman May 6, 2014 at 11:00 am

I’ve not had any embarrassing moments this week, which is unusual because I’m usually hitting all-time lows on a 5-a-day basis. Perhaps you’ve taken all of my bad luck. You’re welcome to it.

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kate May 6, 2014 at 3:27 pm

Surely you’ve had your quota for a while now? Got them all out of they way so you can enjoy a good few weeks of non-embarrassmentation (that is a word). Poor old you – but thanks for sharing, you brightened my day :-)

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Teffy Perk May 6, 2014 at 8:58 pm

Haha oh wow, you definitely do get into trouble!
I’ve just been traveling lately, so anything that could be potentially embarrassing is not witnessed by anyone I’d ever see again. Win!

{Teffy’s Perks} X

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Gorilla Bananas May 6, 2014 at 10:07 pm

There, there, Miss Scarlett. The chicken wings were probably dry and in need of a little marination. As for your knickers, they sound like one of Liverpool’s finest tourist attractions. I’d much rather see them than Ringo’s old house.

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snowbird May 7, 2014 at 1:34 pm

I can picture it now!!!! Hahahahaha….hopefully it gets better this week!xxx

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Jessica Brown May 7, 2014 at 8:55 pm

Ohhhh I’m cringing. If it’s any consolation, though, these things happen to all of us! But that’s not very helpful at the time. Hopefully your embarrassing moments karma will have turned around after this!!

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Kris May 7, 2014 at 10:09 pm

Well at least it can only go up from here? Haha! Though I’m seriously considering the awhimbaway song for my alarm since I imagine it’s wake pretty well anyone up.

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Katharina May 9, 2014 at 12:20 pm

I’ve been in exactly that wind-gate situation , except that instead of chasing a shoe I was chasing paper!!

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Jess @UsedYorkCity May 12, 2014 at 1:09 am

LOVE the alarm clock moment…!!! And LOVE even more than you had the Lion King as your tune, priceless! My moment this week was being that annoying girl on the plane that is trying to carry one too many bags/ID’s/books/lip glosses with her two hands and drops it all in the middle of the aisle…causing everyone else to wait behind me while I tidied up;-)

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abeerfortheshower May 12, 2014 at 7:26 pm

Chicken wings are so much better over ice. You should have just owned that moment. Taken one, put it in a glass with ice, and just spent the rest of the night twirling it around. “This is to aerate the meat,” you say, with a huff. “I thought that was common knowledge.”

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