So… my first encounter with a dolphin wasn’t quite the romantic experience I anticipated – being dead and all it wasn’t really up for too much Scarlett-lovin’.
Anyway, as the poor thing floated upside down past me I promised myself I was going to get a cracking photo of a live dolphin during my trip to Australia…
…a promise I completely forgot about until, as I was quietly swigging a bottle of VB on the top deck of a whale watching boat in HerveyBay, someone screamed “Quick…DOLPHINS!!!”
As the whole boat seemed to rush towards the sighting, my Mother (who, with the joy of finally seeing the humpback whales was already borderline hysterical anyway) began to push my back and, quite literally, use me as a batering ram through the crowds.
Had it been me who she had mercilessly knocked out of the way using a human, I would have been fuming – but for whatever reason the rest of our her fellow whale enthusiasts seemed to feed off her frantic enthusiasm… and before I knew it I had been placed right at the bow of the boat with a small hysterical crowd gathered behind me.
Sure enough there they were; dolphins… leaping out of the water, dodging the waves and playing cheekily with the boat… it beat my first dolphin experience hands down – what with them being alive and all…
Seriously though, the whole dolphin hype is completely justified, they’re such beautiful animals.
After a watching them for a couple of magical minutes, I regained consciousness of the world around me… only to hear my Mum reiterating the story of my first dolphin encounter to her new fanbase that had surrounded me. Suddenly, the serenity that had come with watching the dolphins was destroyed as someone shouted, “Ahhhh No! Girl you gotta’ get a photo” and I was promptly shoved so far across the railing that I was practically bent double!
Fumbling desperately for my camera, a professional photographer sidled up next to me…
How did I know he was a professional photographer?
Well besides the fancy-pants camera around his neck, the business card that he gave me and the sheer desperation in his eyes… only gymnasts and photographers could have twisted themselves into the strange positions that he was!
Can we please remember that I’d had a couple of beers, I was on a rocky boat… but taking a photo of a dolphin swimming at around 30miles an hour is completely impossible, especially with the world’s slowest camera! So after taking a few blurry shots (and telling the camera to fuck off about 30 times like it was going to listen) I gave up…
…until the photographer next to me suddenly got so excited that he forgot all about getting the perfect picture for himself, and focused all of his attentions at bellowing down my ear, “Get the shot girl… come one get the shot girl, GET THE SHOT”
Before I knew it everyone around me seemed to be screaming the same thing… led by the biggest cheerleader of them all of course; my Mum.
Don’t get me wrong, it was the sweetest thing ever but…
No-one seemed to realise how totally crappy my camera was… so eventually I had to throw my arms up in the air with an exaggerated “YESSS!” and pretend that I “got the shot”.
I didn’t… Obviously… But you guessed that already didn’t you?
Even the dolphin itself seemed to be looking at me like, “seriously girl, what the fuck?”
What’s worse I had to scuttle off to the top deck before anyone asked to see the picture – so I didn’t even get to enjoy the sights!
BUT… don’t fear you beautiful people, I have gone to the trouble of drawing a cracking picture for you instead….