So, I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting of late, mainly because January is defeating me big time so I’ve decided to spend it as drunk as it’s socially acceptable to be at 3 pm on weekday. Anyway… I’ve been reflecting on how different my life is now to what it was 18 months ago…
(For example, I drink rum now. So if you have any that you want testing, contact me. Seriously, any at all, home-brewed or not… I’m totally OK with the risk of blindness, really. Please, I’m running out.)
Eighteen months ago I was working for a mental woman, who would throw staplers at my head on a daily basis and decided to change my name to ‘Jep’. Like a dog. I had a vision in my head of being a top PR girl; ruling the fashion world of London, going on press trips every other week and spending every night attending fabulous parties full of celebrities. I saw my life as a carnival of clothes, champagne and general fabulous-ness.
The reality of that world, however, was somewhat different. Within three months of doing my ‘dream job’, I was exhausted, miserable and constantly pissed off. I would get up for work at 5am and finally get home at around 11pm that evening… For months I barely spoke two words to my boyfriend, I would cry down the phone to my Mum every single night and the idea of spending another day freaking out because someone didn’t have the perfect leather bra for (yet another) ‘edgy’ shoot, had me losing the will to live. The life I had spent so long dreaming of and working towards, was actually my idea of hell.
One day, and I shit you not here, my psychotic boss started smashing the office up like a baby rhino because I hadn’t cooked her daughter tea… so I stood up and walked out of the office, and out of that life.
It was one of the scariest and best decisions I’ve made so far. I had no money, no idea what I was going to do with my life… but I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. It was that evening that I started a blog… mainly to show my future kids that I wasn’t always a fat stripper with a crack addiction.
And so Scarlet Wonderland was born; in it’s early days, an attempt at a “bucket list” blog
Eighteen months on and I’m still trying to figure out how to turn my flat into a meth lab… but until then I’ve moved back North to the city I love, I haven’t been convicted of any felonies and I’ve started my own business.
WOW, that sounds like I have my shit together - I don’t. If anything I’m even more lost than I was when I walked out of that door 18 months ago. Yesterday I got up to eat some cold pizza… then went back to bed until three because I couldn’t face my inbox. But it’s a good kind of lost; the exciting kind, where you feel like you can do anything… rather than your only possible outcome is to stay miserable or murder your boss.
Anyway, back to the main point of this post after that emotional detour – sorry about that. Today I found the original “bucket list” that I posted on Scarlet on that sorry evening eighteen months ago – and I felt like I was reading the words of a stranger.
Reading over that list got me thinking about how much this blog has changed in just eighteen months… how much I’ve changed. So, in honour of life moving on, I thought I’d go back to my roots and share three of my new “Bucket List” items…
Volunteer in Cambodia
Before I visited Bangkok last year, I had absolutely no desire whatsoever to venture outside of the Western world – as far as I was concerned, dramatic and ridiculous stuff happens to me even within my comfort zone, so why would I ever venture out of it? But that trip completely changed my view; it not only made me want to travel everywhere, but it made me want to try and do a bit to help in some of the less developed countries. I know, I know, I’m a fucking saint. (That said, I don’t want to be one of those wankers who show up with absolutely no idea what they’re letting myself in for, so I’ve been looking at some escorted holidays to Cambodia from the UK for later this year, so I can get a feel for the country first.)
High Five a Priest
I actually found this scrawled on a napkin under the heading “2013 resolutions” in my handbag on January 1st – but I still think it’s a fantastic idea. I’m not just talking about making friends with a priest and high fiving him/her in the pub when Liverpool score… I mean going to a sermon, walking to the pulpit at the end and shouting “great job big man, put it there”. Watch this space.
Live a Healthier Lifestyle
This is one of those resolutions that everyone makes on January 1st. So, this year, I’m saying no to making ourselves feel bad and yes to more things like this…
If writing this blog has taught me anything, it’s to roll with the punches; to appreciate all the amazing and ridiculous things that make up this moment in time – because, by next year, everything could be different.
Until next time.. x