kicking off

It’s that time of the week again, Sunday morning – the day you wake up wondering if you still have friends…

Nine times out of ten you will have woken  up to the sound of 90 facebook photo tags beeping ominously from your smartphone, along with a multitude of texts kindly reminding you how embarrassing your dancing was. But for those rare occasions where you worry that you may have ruined your life… welcome to another installment of The Sunday Morning Scarlett Guide To Damage Control

…Part Two: Angry Drunk

We’ve all seen them; that drunk person outside the club who is screaming obscenities at anyone who will listen, the girl crying on the floor furiously typing angry texts to whoever has been unfortunate to cross her during a stint on the gin, or that Jack-the-lad who is so angry that he will quite happily bust his knuckles open on the nearest brick wall rather than have a civilised conversation.

The “angry drunks” – we all know one…

…and the unfortunate likelyhood is that, at some point (though we would never admit it) we’ve all been one as well.

…and if last night was one of those cases, then first of all you need to analyse the situation…

  • What exactly did you say?
  • How many people heard?
  • How many repercussions will this have?

For example; If you’ve balled-out your boss in public before throwing your Cosmo in their face, all whilst mumbling something about them “sticking their head up their own arse”, then you need to accept that there is a serious chance you could get fired. In this case you need to crawl on your knees and beg for forgiveness, and if that fails at least you’ve created a year’s worth of tea-break conversations and will forever hold legendary status around the office  Silver linings and all that!

If you’ve put someone in hospital, or worse… then I would suggest seeking legal advice. Immediately. I don’t even know why you’re still reading this…

For the rest of us though, you have 3 choices when it comes to how you react the morning after…

  • Admit you were a dick:

…literally – in those exact words! “I was a complete dick, I’m sorry!”

Try to do this as early on in the day as possible so the victimised party hasn’t had enough time to think the night over and get themselves all worked up and pissed off about it. After-all it’s really difficult to stay angry at someone who apologises profusely – it also helps to turn up with a gift, looking dog rough to prove how drunk you were… unless of course it’s a boyfriend/girlfriend that has been on the other end of your wrath, in which case you need to look at hot as possible so they couldn’t possibly stay mad at you.

In most situations, if you apologise enough the whole sorry affair will just turn into a funny anecdote to be told at parties… (like the time I changed my birth control pill and got so hormonal I threw a shoe at my best friend – she fucking loves to tell that story.)   

  • Deny all knowledge:

“What I said that? Oh my god you’re joking? Sorry Man, I must have been completely out of it” …If you don’t remember saying it, then you couldn’t possibly have meant any of those hurtful things you said could you?!

Here are a few phrases that will help:

“Oh god I’m so sorry I don’t even remember saying that, I should never drink gin*it turns me into a complete crazy person”

“God I’m sorry, I knew I shouldn’t drink on antibiotics!”

“Oh not you as well? I was kicking off irrationally on everyone last night apparently – I don’t know what got into me!”

“I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have taken my anger out on you *insert name of person they hate* just really pissed me off!” (this should divert the conversation onto the mutual hatred of another, taking the emphasis off you’re horrible behaviour)

  • Stand by what you said:

You know what they say; a drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts! If you truly believe everything you said in your drunken rage, then it was bound to come out sooner or later anyway, so there’s absolutely no point in going back on it. Apologise for the manner you said it, (in that you wish you had waited until you were both sober) and try to work the situation out. If – between your hangover and residue rage – you’re feeling particularly vulnerable, it might be worth leaving this little chat until Monday when you’re mentally equipped to deal with it!

 Good luck guys, and remember …everything is a 7 day wonder and people will have someone else to talk about by next Sunday.

*you may have gathered by now that I learnt at a very early age that gin and I don’t mix well. 

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