July 19, 2011 in Category Ridiculous Incidents,Scarlett Life...

The BIG BANG Incident

Straightening my mane in the mirror at my parent’s house, my friend and I were getting ready for an old school night back in the bubble of our hometown…

Suddenly, we heard an almighty crash, like something really heavy had hit the wooden floor.

Obviously my first instinct was to spit out my mouthful of wine and cower on the floor… which I did, assuming that the murderer outside the door had accidently dropped the mallet he was now going to pound me to death with. After a few minutes, in which time I’d managed to arm myself with a wire coat hanger and my mobile I decided to try and be the logical person I’m not and checked the kitchen for anything heavy that could have fallen. With everything intact and no windows open, the only thing left to do was investigate upstairs… and at 23 I decided that I needed to man up.

So I rang my dad.

Practically crying, with the sweat pouring off me, I calmly explained to him that I was about to get murdered  - by what I could only assume was some sort of Hannibal Lector-esque super villain – and proceeded to say my goodbyes.

Somehow he convinced me to check upstairs, with the promise that he would stay on the phone as I did, (so he could LISTEN to my untimely demise? Sound, nice one!) Holding hands, Vicky and I headed upstairs to meet our doom… it’s funny how you laugh at the stupid blonde girls who hide in the shower in teen horror films, but there we were, me armed with a glass bottle of bubble bath and her armed with a hairbrush.

She later admitted her biggest fear was that the murderer would knock me unconscious and leave her alone and helpless, she’s never been the best runner.

Because I’m from Liverpool and proper hard… Lol… I karate kicked open my parent’s bedroom door – my make up ruined by the tears streaming down my face and sweat pouring off me – fully expecting to find Freddie Kruger stood before me.

Nothing…

Finally there was only one room left to check. I had of course, thrown aside my atheist ways and converted to every religion there is by this time. I creaked open the door of my old bedroom, to find…

…what can only be described as a home brewing works… that had exploded.

In my absence my dad had used my bedroom to set up his own fucking speakeasy… and clearly didn’t have any sort of control over his overflowing produce. The entire room was soaked, home brew ran down the walls like something out of the fucking Amityville Horror and you could get drunk off the smell.

What was once my childhood bedroom was now a place of 1920’s illegal activity, and will forever smell like an old alcoholic died there… but we hadn’t been pounded to death by a crazed killer and lived to fight another day.

10 comments… read them below or add one

CeCe July 19, 2011 at 1:34 pm

Hahaha that’s hilarious. I wouldn’t have even been brave enough to go upstairs.

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Simply Paul July 19, 2011 at 3:11 pm

You’ve got to love it when you scare yourself like that. I remember when I was about 15 and in the house on my own. I walked out of the kitchen into the hall with no lights on and pooped in my pants when I saw what looked like a Michael Myers mask infront of me! It turned out it was my pale reflection in the small pane of glass in the door LOL

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Jen July 19, 2011 at 7:39 pm

lol Paul that’s hysterical! Melissa and CeCe, you should of seen how much I was shaking, I felt like a complete dick when I realised it was all just over a few exploding bottles of home brew!xx

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Melissa July 19, 2011 at 4:52 pm

I always get terrified when I’m home alone and I hear random noises! Luckily your dad helped you through this one, lol! :)

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Carola July 19, 2011 at 7:49 pm

Jen that is a funny story. I am a big chicken myself. Actually, if it weren’t for my kids being in the house with me, I would probably be unable to sleep at night.

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Stefanie July 20, 2011 at 1:26 am

That’s hilarious! I’ve been there myself, except I’m scared even when there are no noises. I don’t like showering if there is no one else home (I’ve seen Psycho too much) so I usually bring some kind of object (hairbrush, hammer, etc.) into the bathroom with me.

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Elle July 21, 2011 at 3:25 pm

Hahaha too funny! You were armed with bubble bath and a hairbrush? Classic. You no longer have the right to yell curse words at the idiots that are walking towards their deathbed on TV.

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Jen July 21, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Lol, Stef I’ve been in the shower and heard a noise nd wished I had a hammer in there with me before! – and Carola, in my house all the dog has to do is look up and I’m ready to run!

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Jen July 21, 2011 at 3:37 pm

Elle… I definately waived that right when I picked up a coat hanger to start with! Cringe for me!x

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Kelly- The Bucketlist junkie July 22, 2011 at 7:50 pm

hahahahahaha! That story killed me! At least the bottle of bubble bath was glass as opposed to plastic!

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